i> Away With The Fairies.: April 2007

Monday, April 30, 2007

Environmentally Friendly Retail.

I heard this story this morning on the radio.

Sales Assistant, "That'll be £17.95 Madam. Would you like us to recycle the coat hanger?"

Customer, " Recycle, as what?"

Sales Assistant, "Sorry?"

Customer, "You asked if you could recycle the coat hanger, recycle it as what?"

Sales Assistant, "Well.......as a coat hanger."

Customer, "So you regard using a coat hanger twice as 'recycling',"

Sales Assistant, "Yes, it increases our green profile."

Friday, April 27, 2007

Plastic Pig V's Train.

What would happen if my three wheeled Reliant car collided with a train? For some reason, I've been unable to post this U-Tube vid' to my blog so here is the link


Now compare that to the Top Gear Renault Espace train wreck.


Tickers Caught in a Flash.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Trikes are for Pussy's.

In a recent episode of Monster Garage, show host Jessie James, when asked to make a bike out of Peterbuilt truck parts declaired, "Trikes are for pussy's."
I thought, he had no idea just how big a 14 litre engine is. When the engine was removed he backed down and decided to build a trike.

This is what I call a trike. Just because the single wheel is in the front doesn't mean it can't kick ass on the track. These trikes, ridden two up, are amongst the fastest hill climb vehicles there are, even when compared with monoposto style specialist vehicles fitted with F1 car engines subsequently fitted with superchargers.
Most of the two wheel racers declair, "You wouldn't get me up in one of those things!"

Sunday, April 22, 2007

Just a Bad Dream.

I lower the bucket containing the skin cream. In the well below, the naked, frightened young woman shivers with cold.
Ignoring her pleas, I chant.

"It puts the lotion on it's skin,
Or else it gets the hose........."

I awake feeling disturbed and emotionally uncomfortable. Relief dawns on me as I realise, it's just a nightmare and I won't have the almost impossible task of making 'again' rhyme with 'skin'.

My apologies to readers from the more southerly parts of the USA, for whom such a rhyme poses no problem.


My favourite quote of the week comes from the Australian contestant in the World Transsexual Pageant held in Bangkok, as she complains about the prejudice she experiences.

"Just because I have a penis, it doesn't mean I'm any less of a woman."

Well actually luv......it kinda does.


I know I'm a bit dyslexic but it's obvious there are six vowels in the English alphabet.


So why does everyone else think there are only five?

Friday, April 20, 2007

The Adventure of Seven Men and a Dog.

I pay tribute to my friends and colleagues. From left to right, Tickersoid, Councilor Big nose, Shrek with Dog, Sausages, Ed Shot, Max Cadey, and Pip Nillips.

OK, I'm a Muppet. I put my hand up.
Having failed to remove the time from the pictures, I set it correctly then put freshly charged batteries in the camera. I know, I should have done it the other way around.

This place is full of caves and disused mines. The underground rivers are fast flowing and bitterly cold. Lives have been lost in these places.
I thought there would be four water falls and that would be it. This walk was a never ending cascade of cascades. Fresh beauty found at every turn.

And such fine weather. It really couldn't have been better.
The drop to the right is most probably fatal. Ridge walks were a common feature of this hike. The underfoot conditions weren't always as good as this. Mostly, we had to pick our way through loose angular rocks and a lattice of tree roots

Getting our feet wet to do this so early on in the walk was worth the fun of standing behind a waterfall.
Under different circumstances, I'm sure most of us would have gone for a swim in some of the many crystal clear deep pools we encountered. Some of the vantage points to these pools would have made very good diving platforms. If Fewclewz had been here, I'm sure he would have had his kit off in a jiffy and been swan diving into them.
In hind sight we should have split this walk in to two trips. By the end we were becoming a bit blase about waterfall. 16 miles of rough terrain, a lot of it, little better than a river bed or rock fall. In the end, the pace became more important than the endless natural beauty that surrounded us.
The trail actually goes behind this fall. It's the easiest way to cross the river.
There were many, many more amazing sights after this but my camera memory ran out about a third of the way around. Of note the pool and weir at the ruins of the gun powder works.

It took us seven hours to the minute. After, we had a couple of bottles of Tesco's finest wine and a few laughs and beers in the Bridge Inn at Abergavenny.
The guy is either a jogger or more likely, a chav joyrider, legging it from the burning car.
Just a perfect day out, with some good mates.

What have I done wrong now?

Testing, testing, 1,2......1,2.

Thursday, April 19, 2007

These Boots are Made for Walking.

It's the day of the walk.
I've got my new boots and cutoff jeans.
If I tied my shirt tails under my chest and wore a cowboy hat, I'd be Jessica Simpson.

Saturday, April 14, 2007

Go for a Walk?

Neath can be nice this time of year. I wonder if I should go for a walk next week?

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Cam Shafts and Hot Rods.

Although my ‘hot hatch’ has electronically controlled fuel injection, it doesn’t have rev’ limiting. Consequently, when I’m excitedly enjoying myself 'giving it some',

I have to be careful I’m not in the red.

If so, there’s a strong danger of shattering a ring.

It’s a bit like anal sex really.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

You Can't Do it All.

There comes a point in your life when you realise you can't do it all.
All those little things you're told you should do. There's just too many.
Floss, brush your teeth, shower, exercise, pay bills, see friends, write to old friends, clean your house, clean your car, check the oil, check the water, see to the kids. You just can't do it all. Even if you didn't chill at all, ever.
It comes as a relief when you realise this. You stop feeling so guilty about everything you've missed out.
You just have to prioritise but there's always that core. Those things that you must do exactly right because, if you don't, you feel your life is 'out of control'.

Doesn't really make sense does it?

Sunday, April 08, 2007

Glut After the Foxes Have Gone.

My theory is that when the steelworks tidied up to make us look professional, it destroyed a lot of cover for the foxes. With so much open land the other wild life, of which there is a surprisingly large quantity, thrived.
These pictures were all taken on site, on a whim, without having to wait for something to happen. The duck warning triangles are genuine.
If you need an Easter bunny feel free to help yourself.


What a bloody awful way to spend the Easter holiday.

Shift Change.

Outgoing steel worker, cheerily - "Hello mate!"

Incoming steel worker grumpily - "Piss off! You haven't got any mates you fat cunt!"

Friday, April 06, 2007

Dia' Thomas day.

Not only good Friday, but here in Wales we are celebrating David Thomas day.

Dia' Thomas invented Sheep at a time when the New Zealanders were still experimenting with surgically shortened llamas.

So drink a toast to good old Dia'!

Thursday, April 05, 2007

Truelove Needs Help.

I get a text message from Trevor Truelove.

~ Need your help! I'm in London (don't ask). Battery running low. Can you ring this number .................. and if Liz answers, ask to be put through to Ann or me. ~

I ring the number.

It's Buckingham Palace.

I shake my head and mouth the word, 'twat'.

I bet everyone knows about this gag except me.

Sunday, April 01, 2007

The Weeks Snippets

Tickers- "The only reason you guys are spending your free time walking over mountains, is to satisfy your curiosity as to what it's like to be a lesbian."


Tickers- "Why do you call him Blisters?"

Ed- "Because he doesn't show up until all the hard work is done."


Guy #1, "Why don't you move your computer downstairs?"

Guy #2 "Because I prefer to masturbate upstairs."


"So he said, I'm a lover not a fighter.'
So instead of hitting him, I snogged him.
Turns out, he was a fighter after all."


Late Friday night. I'm at work when a text comes through.

~I've got to get my self one of these nail guns. It'll nail anything to anything. Brilliant! I feel like a storm trouper.~

I text back in capitol letters.


The reply comes straight back.

~Too late mate!~

When I get back in the morning, I find my front door step has been nail gunned.