i> Away With The Fairies.: October 2006

Sunday, October 29, 2006


Instead of turning right to walk to the shops, I turn left. It's late afternoon on a beautiful Autumn day. I climb the road up the mountain traveling West. It's lined with crumbling drystone dikes and forest carpeted in golden leaves. I take in the musty earth smells of the forest. I hear birdsong and waterfalls. By climbing, I stop the sun from setting.
Muscles tingle, endorphins caress my mind.
Farmhouses in stone and white wash. Fields of horses, cows and sheep.
Leaving the road, I find the mountain top, and stand in the octagonal brick ruins of a WWII observation turret. Cloud has formed and the setting sun is little more than a slash of orange above the distant mountains.
During the decent, village lights start to twinkle. The twilight adds a new perspective to the previous beauty.
I've been walking for three hours. No mobile phone or MP3.
Maybe next time I'll take a camera.
I could have gone to they gym but it wouldn't have eased my soul like this.

Friday, October 20, 2006

It's Electrifying!

I recently bought a TENS machine off ebay. It's wonderful. Can heal parts of my aging body in days, that would normally take months.

It is also an extremely entertaining toy! Let some one have a go on this baby and you can guarantee they'll be grinning like and idiot within minutes.

What if I put it on my face cheeks?
As you crank it up your jaw will start to jump up and down and your mouth will turn down on the right and up on your left, into a sideways letter 'S'. Crank it a bit more and your left eye will start to close. Meanwhile your teeth will feel like some one is simultaneously trying to pries them all out using piano wire levers.
Straddle any muscle and watch it spasm. Try seeing how far you can take it. Vary the wave form or the frequency. Change the mode. There's no end to the fun you can have.

The instructions tell me not to put it on both sides of my head at the same time. I'm a guy I got curious. Common sense prevailed however and I didn't try it, but I was sooooooo tempted.

A colleague of mine has one of these machines. Herman the German. I walked in on him once whilst he had his knee wired up. I asked a few questions about it then mused.
"What happens it you attach it to your......."
"Don't even go there!" he interrupted. I figured he knew me well enough to have anticipated my question.
"So you've tried it then?"
"Oh yes, you have to rip the pads straight off, can't take it for a second."

Well, my machine is a little more sophisticated than Hermans, it can start really gently, so I tried it. I didn't manage to get to full power, nor did I find it erotic. Just a bit weird and funny.

It also had a side effect.

I'm sure the feeling will return to my genitals soon.......Any day now..........Bound to.

Monday, October 16, 2006

Skills for Life.

I've tried to encourage my girls to develop in non-academic areas along side there school work. I the case of Little Miss, I've helped her with her first motor vehicle. She in tern has taken my message on board and learned how to.......

.............Stick six spoons on her face.............

.................and do impressions of a fly using her big sisters bra.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Cute Kitten.

Her face is beaming. She can hardly contain her excitement.

Little Miss- "Would you like to see my new kitty?"

Ticker- "Not another pet. Go on then."

A few moments later, she emerges from the house with the new kitten.

Ticker- "Oh she's really cute. What's her name?"

Little Miss- "Experiment 2973."

Friday, October 06, 2006

Oh if God the Gift W'ud Gee Us, to See Oursel's as Others See Us.

How my neighbors see me.

How my co-workers see me.

How my employer sees me.

How I see myself

How they see me down at the pub.

Thursday, October 05, 2006


So this is how Frobisher sees himself.

As the kind of guy who forgets to take his unfashionalbe keks off when taking a shower.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006


Shrek turned his head to one side, narrowed his eyes and said,

"You're flipping weird, you are."

"How so?" I asked.

"I visited your blog today and you've got necrophilia and gay porn on it."

"Oh right" I chuckled, "Did you leave a comment?"

"No, I didn't have time. My nipper kicked me off the computer shortly after."

"What did he say, Mum..... stop Daddy ogling gay porn on the internet, I need to do my school homework project."

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Gothic Love.

Hoppo- "......I tried to persuade her to shag me in the grave yard but she wouldn't have it."

Ticker- "I tried to shag a girl in a cemetery once. After an hours digging I got pissed off and gave up."

Monday, October 02, 2006

Marriage and Morality According to Hoppo.

Hoppo is a twinkle eyed jack the lad biker. Think David Essex in 'Silver Dream Racer'.#

Hoppo- "You shouldn't cheat on your wife."

Ticker- "God no."

Hoppo- "Of course when you're out for a night out with the lads and you end up with some girl having a kiss and a cuddle, that's not cheating."

Ticker- "No?"

Hoppo- "Oh no.........Nor is having a blow job."

Ticker- "What?"

Hoppo- "Clinton showed us that, anyway, it's not cheating if you don't chuck your muck in her mouth.

Ticker- "So if you wore a condom it would be OK to orgasm?"

Hoppo- "Oh yes. In fact you can have full penetration if you wear a condom. No penis to vaginal wall contact."

Ticker- "I'm glad you cleared that up for me."

Sunday, October 01, 2006


I recently emailed a friend with personal details about a third party. When my friend replied without referring to it, I checked out my 'sent items'.

Yes, I'd sent it to the third party.


The moment of horror was compounded by knowing that even though the recipient hadn't yet received it, it was irretrievable. Fortunately I have high regard for said third party so I'd not said anything derogatory.

It seems everyone has such a story.

The bitching text intended for a friend complaining about a 'nightmare' girl friend, sent to the 'nightmare'.

Last night I heard a girl confess to having phoned in sick at work then sent a text to her boss, by accident, saying she'd managed to get the day off did he want to go out with her for the day.

Got any such stories? Have you ever sent a sexy text to your own mother by mistake?

Let us know.