i> Away With The Fairies.: March 2008

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Steel Workers Talk Cars

Spider, "........................with the car door key."

"Car door key?" Dirk enquires with genuine confusion.

With the sigh of someone resigned to starting from first principals Spider continues.

"Remember when cars used to need a key to open the doors?"

After a short pause, Dirk's expression changes from quizzical to enlightened.

"AAAAhh right, I'm with you........blimey, it's been a long time since I had a car that needed a key to get in."

Tickersoid, "I've yet to own a car that doesn't need a key to get in."

Just then the control cabin door opens and in comes Morris, grinning.

Spider, "Oi! What've you done to my buttie Gymboy? He's come to work all white and trembling."

"You've heard then?" Morris chuckles.

Harry, "Why what happened?"

Morris, " We were following a car that turned left into a side road, then immediately swung right to do a 'U' turn. He obviously didn't see us until his car was blocking my lane when he slammed the brakes on. I swerved to the right clipping his car......."

Harry, "Any damage?"

Morris, "Yeh, all four side panels either scraped or dented.......I swerved right in front of an oncoming young girl in a green Ford Fiesta. By the horrified look on her face she was filling her knickers."

Harry, "Did you take a picture with your phone?"

Morris, "What of her shitting her pants?" he teased, "No, he pulled up behind where we'd stopped so there was no point. Solicitor he was."

Harry, "That's it then, you'll be stitched up."

Spider, "Yeah, it'll all be your fault."

Gymboy "It's all right, he's got a witness, me."

Harry, "Doesn't count, you're not independent."

Spider, "That's right, in his version, you'll be swerving down the road, talking on your mobile phone....."

Spider loves a wind up but Morris isn't biting.

Morris, " Yeah, whilst trying to light a cigarette....."

Tickersoid, ".......and changing a cassette."

Everyone looks at me in disbelief.

Spider, "Changing a cassette?"

I'm starting to feel like an anachronism. "OK, advancing your Ipods or whatever."

Tickersoid, "I can remember, back in the '60's, they used to make vinyl record players for cars. They didn't work very well, but they were available."

Spider, " I bet they had a few coins on the playing arm to stop it jumping."

Tickersoid, "......or a knob of placeticene....or just your knob...."

It seemed funny at the time I said it, but a second later, it didn't work or make any sense. Morris picks up on this,

"How are you going to listen to music with your knob on the playing arm?" He bows his knees and thrusts out his groin to create an image of absurdity.

Tickersoid, "Hey butt', it's not about the music."

All the characters and events described in this post, are fictional and any resemblance to persons either live or dead or events is purely coincidental.
Butt' or Buttie = Friend or buddy.

For Daphne

Thursday, March 13, 2008

The View Out of my Kitchen Window.

Tickers had been preparing for this meme for some time.

There I was, just about to publish the view out of my kitchen window as tagged by Frobisher, when I receive a letter from McDonald's, Informing me that my youngest, Little Miss had won the grand prize in the Bee Movie, 'Draw One.....Plant one....' Competition.

First prize is a choice of 3 professional garden makeovers.

She has to accompany me for the official planting day......which is a bit of a problem.

She won the 3 to 12 year old catagory.

As she's 18 next month, how are we going to suppress the vast mountain range that is her bust?

Friday, March 07, 2008

What the F*ck were we drinking?

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Thought for the day 3.

There I was, on a brilliant Spring morning, having breakfast on the patio, overlooking the lush green valley of Pontnewynydd.
(I know it all sounds idyllic, but in truth, I was in effect, reluctantly, out of severe hunger, gnawing on charred flesh, a refugee from the acrid smoke in my kitchen and the piercing screech of my smoke alarm. )
When, the lyrics of Burt Bacharach came to me.

'What the World needs now is love sweet love.'

My brain was now in free fall. Wasn't it, 'Hot Chocolate' that believed, 'what the world needs now is a great big onion'? A totally different take on global requirements.
No, fool. It was Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell that thought, 'The World is just a great big onion'. I'm sure quite a few geologists might dispute that.
No, 'Hot Chocolate' felt that, 'what we need it a great big melting pot big enough to take the world and all it's got.
Presumably to make onion soup.