It's a test Jim, but not as we know it.

Little Miss and I both slipped in under the wire to gain our 35 question Motorcycle Theory Test Certificates before the more expensive 50 question test came into force on the 3^rd of September. We had to travel to Hereford to do so but needs must etc.

I’ve ridden lightweights for years, under a variety of legal loopholes which have now been closed.

Having passed, I feel justified in criticising it.

For instance, one of the questions is;-

Q. You are approaching a tunnel, should you.

a) Sound your horn.

b) Slow down.

c) Tune your radio to a local station.

d) Turn on your hazard warning lights.

The correct answer, as you all knew, was to tune your radio to a local station. Try that on the East bound approach to the Brynglas tunnel and I suspect you’ll end up, at best, in casualty.

Another stupid question was:-

Q. What is the penalty for riding without the minimum legally required insurance.

a) £5

b) £50

c) £500

d) £5000

The answer, apparently, is £5000, but I ask you this, if one is a law abiding citizen, why would you need to know that? You only need to know, if you’re the type of person who wants to risk assess the situation before purchasing the insurance. Do you really want to share the roads with someone who knows the answer?

How about this one, for those who feel everything must have an environmental angle.

Q. What are the environmental effects of motor vehicles.

The answer according to the Driving Standards Agency is,

a) Damage to buildings

b) Pollution

c) Use of resources.

If I know the answer, and am still taking the test, this means,

‘I am aware vehicles cause environmental damage, but I don’t give a toss.’

That ought to save the planet.

I’m off to get my tattoos, piercings and ‘cut offs’ bearing the slogan,

“Born to be a Tad Naughty”