i> Away With The Fairies.: It's a test Jim, but not as we know it.

Thursday, September 06, 2007

It's a test Jim, but not as we know it.

Little Miss and I both slipped in under the wire to gain our 35 question Motorcycle Theory Test Certificates before the more expensive 50 question test came into force on the 3rd of September. We had to travel to Hereford to do so but needs must etc.

I’ve ridden lightweights for years, under a variety of legal loopholes which have now been closed.

Having passed, I feel justified in criticising it.

For instance, one of the questions is;-

Q. You are approaching a tunnel, should you.

a) Sound your horn.

b) Slow down.

c) Tune your radio to a local station.

d) Turn on your hazard warning lights.

The correct answer, as you all knew, was to tune your radio to a local station. Try that on the East bound approach to the Brynglas tunnel and I suspect you’ll end up, at best, in casualty.

Another stupid question was:-

Q. What is the penalty for riding without the minimum legally required insurance.

a) £5

b) £50

c) £500

d) £5000

The answer, apparently, is £5000, but I ask you this, if one is a law abiding citizen, why would you need to know that? You only need to know, if you’re the type of person who wants to risk assess the situation before purchasing the insurance. Do you really want to share the roads with someone who knows the answer?

How about this one, for those who feel everything must have an environmental angle.

Q. What are the environmental effects of motor vehicles.

The answer according to the Driving Standards Agency is,

a) Damage to buildings

b) Pollution

c) Use of resources.

If I know the answer, and am still taking the test, this means,

‘I am aware vehicles cause environmental damage, but I don’t give a toss.’

That ought to save the planet.

I’m off to get my tattoos, piercings and ‘cut offs’ bearing the slogan,

“Born to be a Tad Naughty”

28 Comments:

Blogger The Mistress said...

And don't forget the bumper sticker.

8:16 PM  
Blogger FirstNations said...

are you kidding about the 'radio station' thing? come on. you're kidding, right?

so...whaddya ridin? (a serious question, not to be answered with someone's name. now please.) oo, oo, say it's a triumph!!!!

AND CONGRATULATIONS ONCE AGAIN!!!

8:24 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Fewclewz......
Oh no, not another Velocette Noddy Bike Perleeez........the last one was embarrassing enough!

That test......what half arsed, Politically correct,overeducated plonker thought that up? I thought they were supposed to ask you questions on the Highway code???

9:10 PM  
Blogger Tickersoid said...

MJ- I'm confused, motorcycles don't have bumpers.....do they?

First Nations- The tunnel thing is true. Apparently, you're supposed to tune to a local station to see if there are any delays associated with the tunnel. I don't have a bike apart from the scooter (as used by 'JD' in 'Scrubs')I still have to pass the Compulsory Basic Training, one day course then do a few days on a proficiency course, pass the practical test and then I'm Peter Fonda.
I was offered a 1970's Kwacker 900 but it fell through. I don't think I could afford a Triumph. I'd love to have a Bonniville.

Fewclewz- As you recall, the Noddy Bike was a gift from our dear Papa. My first purchase was a 1952, hard tail, 125cc, BSA Bantum, purchased for the princely sum of £8. It had no battery or kick start but you could make it fire up by walking two steps and dropping the clutch.

10:50 PM  
Blogger Fuckkit said...

Heh heh, welcome to my world! Try not to freeze to death during the winter months now dear.

1:37 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

it seems like everyone is riding the motorcycles these days. i'm more comfortable on my atv though. and since i have no where to go, it suits my needs just fine.

i'd go with a bumper sticker that says "if you can read this sticker then you need lubrication."

or a tag that says "blow me horn". that should get some results.

2:49 AM  
Blogger Leslie said...

A pic of Spock on your blog? I was working on eyebrow maintenance tonight and was getting a bit weary handed, so I think I overdid the arch or something a bit. And now I come to your blog and see Spock. I think this is a sign.

5:45 AM  
Blogger Tickersoid said...

Fuckkit- My Winter riding is in the past, thank God.

Pink Drama- Bikes are useless. There is the whole security issue with them. The 'lubrication' sticker is good.

I- That's just the kind of girly comment I've come to expect from you :-)

8:37 AM  
Blogger Snooze said...

Those questions were just weird. Government bureaucracy gone nutty...

Now excuse me but I'm just going to fantasize about you all decked out in leather.

3:23 PM  
Blogger FirstNations said...

oh yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, a bonneville! the new ones are amazing!
my heart belongs to the Monster Dark by Ducati, tho...my dirty little secret. SHHHHHH ITS A SECRET.



FUKKIT!!!!! HOW YOU DOIN CHICKIE??

7:46 PM  
Blogger Tickersoid said...

Snooze- *Dons leather and struts about like Freddy Mercury*

First Nations- Ohhh I like the Ducati. Very street.
I don't think I'll be biking for long. This is a cold wet country. It takes 10 minutes each end to get dressed and undressed and security is always an issue with bikes.

7:59 AM  
Blogger Chris said...

Hello, you have a wonderful blog, but I can't find your email address, can you please contact me at linkexchange@edenfantasys.com? I have something to discuss with you
Regards, Chris
(Please can you delete this comment after your decision?)

9:36 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wuw. Proposal of marriage? Job offer? Needs you to take a look at the boiler???

TELL US!!!

7:53 PM  
Blogger Tickersoid said...

Don't listen to Chris, he's a cunt.

7:25 AM  
Blogger Lady Muck said...

Oooh well done you! And you're in for more good news - biker chic is so in this season. Pic of you in the cut-offs please.

6:58 PM  
Blogger The Mistress said...

Chris sent me an email. And a comment to Frobisher. He's spreading himself about. The slut.

10:08 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

All those theory questions are stupid....

8:03 PM  
Blogger FirstNations said...

try this:
Master Lock Street Cuff (oh, look it up, geeze)

also try popping a plugwire. I used to disable the Ex's Benelli that way and it drove his shit bonkers! particularly when I could miraculously 'fix' it. always told him 'the thing looked kind of bent so I moved it' and gesture vaguely towards the engine.

9:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Have you thought about driving a sheep?

HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!

3:02 PM  
Blogger Inexplicable DeVice said...

* miffed that Chris didn't send me a comment *

8:13 PM  
Blogger The Mistress said...

IVD: Perhaps you could chat up Chris by inviting him to enter the Freakin' Green Elf Shorts Caption Competition.

5:46 AM  
Blogger Frobisher said...

Chris has been cheating on me!

Has the curse of my links now got to Tickers?

12:46 PM  
Blogger FirstNations said...

chris asked me FIRST.
*LOOKING SMUG*

1:02 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Damn. I have to do the longer version of the test now. I'm planning on getting my CBT out of the way towards the end of this month, and then sorting out the theory and practical tests within a month or two.

Apart from the weird questions, was it hard?

10:05 AM  
Blogger BEAST said...

Chris hasnt asked me at all
The Bastard
is it my ginger toupee or the strange odour thats putting him off ????

7:31 PM  
Blogger Inexplicable DeVice said...

Ginger toupee, Beast? It's not made out of Piggy's moultings is it? That'll be enough to put anyone off.

As for you Tickers: Where the Hell are you? It's been nearly a month!

9:29 PM  
Blogger Andrea said...

I don't suppose there is any chance at all of a new post is there...are you still in Cyprus????

4:57 PM  
Blogger Divian said...

I am with lippy.

New post, ye drunkard! :)

10:21 AM  

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