i> Away With The Fairies.: Toilet Tricks

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Toilet Tricks

With the only toilet cubical being right next door to the showers. It’s considered unsociable to do a poo at going home time. It’s bad enough having to share the shower floor with people who urinate, either because they can’t be arsed with the urinal or they simply think it’s funny having their colleagues paddle about in wee.

The usual ‘discouragement’ for late shitters is a hard hat full of cold water thrown over the cubical wall. Other variations include throwing a lit newspaper or flaming glove over.

Feeling desperate but the cubical is engaged?

My favourite is the toilet equivalent of tailgating, standing so close to the toilet door that your feet intrude under the cubical door, whilst saying, “Take your time mate, no rush.”

Big Poo Man has his own toilet trick. It has no purpose but his own amusement.

He takes a pair of old boots and trousers in with him. When he’s finished, he lays the trousers and shoes, such that, from outside, it appears some one is still on the John. The trick is completed by climbing out over the top unobserved.

Having already relieved himself, he can enjoy an afternoon of buttock clenching mates speculating who’s hogging the bog.

31 Comments:

Blogger jungle jane said...

YAY! I'm first!

Please sir...can I have some more...?

10:15 PM  
Blogger jungle jane said...

Have you ever tried throwing a fake rubber snake over the loo door? i am fairly sure that shitters taking their time would empty their bowels a bit quicker.

10:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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11:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

CYTOMEL AND CYNOPLUS NOW AVAILABLE
Welcome to the Pharmamx.com Family!We invite you to visit us at www.pharmamx.com and find our great medicine prices. We provide serious and first class service to all our customers 24/7. If we do not carry a medicine you need just let us know and we will be more than glad to assist you!To show you our gratitude for past purchases and to offer you one more reason to continue purchasing with Pharmamx.com we are offering a limited time 30% discount included on all our medicines. We will keep on giving you the best price and service in the market. Welcome and enjoy your visit to Pharmamx.com.

11:03 PM  
Blogger awaiting said...

What is it about shit, poo, and dooky that makes for high quality reading!

Bring on the Shit!

11:08 PM  
Blogger jungle jane said...

YAYAYAYAAY! i am part of the Pharmamx.com family! I belong!

1:15 AM  
Blogger phlegmfatale said...

Wow, big poo man is evil, mean, and nasty. Is he you, tickers? I know how pranky all you guys are.

Clearly, you boys are in need of Uncle Booger's Bumper Dumper. Or multiple Bumper Dumpers. What a lovely way to commune with nature.

http://www.bumperdumper.com/bumper2.htm

7:49 AM  
Anonymous his supreme highness King Frobi of Benin said...

Weeing over each other in the showers! Jeezus, some people pay good money for that.

Thanks for the Pharmamax link, managed to get 5,000 x 50mg of Xanax at a good price.

10:19 AM  
Blogger Lippy said...

Crow scarers are what you need - TB used to use them for this purpose, and to get malingerers out of the shower back in his youth.

The shower curtain in his house was all black and melted at the bottom as a result.

get them from any agricultural merchants - you might want to leave your ear defenders on for this!- naked with ear defenders might be a good look for you?!

12:00 PM  
Blogger Snooze said...

Lippy: What on earth is a crow scarer?

Tickers: Good grief! I still can't get over the image of sitting down to have a poo and suddenly a lit newspaper comes over the top of the cubible. You guys really don't play nice, do you? as for Big Poo Man, we had a guy at university who did that trick so that he could spy on women. He had fake socks and shoes under a stall and meanwhile he would stand on the toilet and watch women peeing. He was only caught because one women noticed the same feet in on cubicle for hours.

1:10 PM  
Blogger pissoff said...

Personally, I would have a hard time pooing if someone was standing right at the door with their feet under it. I'd clam up. ACtually, maybe I'll try that with Sniff when she comes for a visit this summer and see how she likes it.

2:33 PM  
Anonymous IDV said...

Big Poo Man: because he's a big man who poos a lot? Or because he does big poos? Or because he is a big man-shaped poo?

2:34 PM  
Blogger Tickersoid said...

Jungle Jane- At our place only a real snake would give the desired results.

Xtasy- I'm honoured by poo praise from one of the cognesenti.

Phlegm- why would someone want a toilet attached to their tow hitch?

For those who want to know why Big Poo Man is so named, click on
This link

HSHK Frobi- Blimey, you've gone up in the world, but still feel unstressed because of xanax.

Lippy- Explosives in the bogs! TB rocks!!

Snooze- I'm always in awe of the perverts you know.

Pissoff- The Cakesniffer is in for a real treat.

IDV- I refer you to the link above.

7:42 PM  
Blogger Lippy said...

Snooze - Crow scarers are small explosive devices that make a big bang and are used on farms to er ...scare crows out of fields! And pigeons, and anyone else who happens to be passing. You pull the pin and throw, like a less fatal grenade.

8:08 PM  
Blogger Kyahgirl said...

IDV stole my question. Boys are so mean. Welsh boys are the meanest!

10:30 PM  
Blogger Snooze said...

Lippy - thanks, I truly had no clue what you were referring to. Now it all makes sense.

2:36 AM  
Blogger Snooze said...

Tickers - so are you off to hang out in the ladies room then with a pair or pumps and stockings as your cover for spying on all the girls?

2:37 AM  
Blogger funny thing said...

You could always prepare a poo beforehand, store it in a pot. (I'm good at pooing in buckets, if you should need a hand?)
Then pass it under the door, asking the current pooer if they would mind disposing of it for you.....

8:26 AM  
Blogger Tickersoid said...

Snooze- There must be ladies rooms in the steel works but I've no idea where they are. Interestingly the time clock, which must be punched at the start and end of each shift is next to the door to the mens changing room. This door is in constant use on a shift change so any ladies clocking in at that time are in for a treat.

Funny thing- I can always rely on you for a creative solution to a poo problem.

9:02 AM  
Blogger awaiting said...

What the hell is a cognesenti?

I googled that shit and still don't know.

Fuck, I am one retarded chick over here.

2:36 PM  
Blogger Tickersoid said...

Xtasy, sorry, I think I'm the retard here. I see I'm not the only one who's spelled it incorrectly on the web.
It should be, cognoscenti Meaning 'those who know about such things'. A derivative of the word cognoscent, meaning 'having knowlege of'.

3:07 PM  
Blogger basket said...

Hi Tickers, I'm back! I have been spending many hilarious hours catching up on your recent antics. Big Poo man is truely a fiend. I have several crow scarers, and I think that I can possibly furnish you with one. It would be a jolly jape to see the culprit rocket out of the khazi at a record speed with his (brown)tail between his legs.

5:53 PM  
Blogger basket said...

Am still waiting for the Brunelesque photograph of you in your latex boilersuit resting recumbent on the piece of plant. I'm so sorry that the flash reflected off the highly-polished buckles of your ball-gag. I think next time you should wear the gag with black anodised buckles.

5:59 PM  
Blogger Tickersoid said...

Basket- I'm far too gentle a soul to use a crow scarer in the khazi. You're better off giving it to Big Poo man. He wouldn't be able to resist using it. Imagine Boss Hog or Bootsy's reaction to that!

6:00 PM  
Blogger basket said...

I am sure that Boss Hog would become apoplectic and Bootsy might just wake up!

6:02 PM  
Blogger Tickersoid said...

Oh and BTW, you do know you need therapy don't you? You know very well I never bring bondage equipement into work.
and latex is not approved personal protective equipement.

6:03 PM  
Blogger basket said...

It is, my latex PPE is all kevlar lined-nice and warm in the winter but devilishly hot at this time of year.

6:05 PM  
Blogger turboslut said...

You are full of worldy wisdom. It's post like this that keep me coming back.

Sorry I haven't been around much. My bloody computer has died and I am finding it hard to blog at the moment.Hopefully, things should be back to normal soon, and I have managed to blog this evening.

9:52 PM  
Blogger Inexplicable DeVice said...

Oh. That's him. Make's sense now...

1:07 AM  
Blogger ickle_bro said...

It would extra intense if you put laxatives in everyones dinner!

8:56 AM  
Blogger Tickersoid said...

Turboslut- The blogosphere would be a poorer place without you. Let's hope you don't have as much trouble as I did.

IDV- Slackness on my part. I should have put a link into the original text, shouldn't I?

Ickle_bro- You are truely and evil genious:-)

8:22 PM  

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