Toilet Tricks

With the only toilet cubical being right next door to the showers. It’s considered unsociable to do a poo at going home time. It’s bad enough having to share the shower floor with people who urinate, either because they can’t be arsed with the urinal or they simply think it’s funny having their colleagues paddle about in wee.

The usual ‘discouragement’ for late shitters is a hard hat full of cold water thrown over the cubical wall. Other variations include throwing a lit newspaper or flaming glove over.

Feeling desperate but the cubical is engaged?

My favourite is the toilet equivalent of tailgating, standing so close to the toilet door that your feet intrude under the cubical door, whilst saying, “Take your time mate, no rush.”

Big Poo Man has his own toilet trick. It has no purpose but his own amusement.

He takes a pair of old boots and trousers in with him. When he’s finished, he lays the trousers and shoes, such that, from outside, it appears some one is still on the John. The trick is completed by climbing out over the top unobserved.

Having already relieved himself, he can enjoy an afternoon of buttock clenching mates speculating who’s hogging the bog.