i> Away With The Fairies.: Bum Shag

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Bum Shag

Fred- " So why've you grown your hair so long? You were a skin head when I saw you last."

Bert- "Well it was the misses idea, she wanted to try doing to me what I do to her, yu' know, holding onto her hair whilst shagging her doggy style. She bought a strapon. Started off with a small attachment and worked her way up. I kind of like it really. Wouldn't you?"

Fred- "I dunno mate, when women start doing things like that, it's the thin end of the wedge if you ask me."

The above dialogue, is based on a third hand true (allegedly) story I heard from a colleague today.


Blogger Snooze said...

You'll have to post a photo of you with your long hair ;)

10:07 PM  
Blogger jungle jane said...

Could you hook me up with Bert please Tickers?

10:40 PM  
Blogger funny thing said...

Going back to exhausts. The stuff that looks like feathers is the lining.
If you've ever read McCarthey's Bar (a good read) then you will remember that he thought he had a blackbird stuck up his exhaust.

Talking of which, are you saying that Bert liked having a bird up his rear end????!

11:10 PM  
Blogger Inexplicable DeVice said...

'Thin end of the wedge'? That's a new way of saying it!

And, thanks Tickers:

I. Beat. Fuckkit!

The fact that she's probably been killed by a poisonous spider is beside the point...

11:22 PM  
Blogger Kyahgirl said...

so, pardon my poor hetero brain but I need clarification here. She was putting on the strap on and doing him up the butt while holding his hair? and he liked it? is that the gist of the story? to each his own I guess.

(sorry tickers, I need to keep these alleged stories all organized in my brain. you never know, I might meet these people some day and need to have a snicker at their expense.)

3:47 AM  
Blogger awaiting said...

Now there is forever etched on my brain a picture of a those two and I don't eben know what the fuck they look like.

Although in my picture he is wearing a black leather mask and she is also craking a whip!

4:24 AM  
Blogger Lippy said...

No bloke has actually commented on this post............hmmmmmmm

5:15 AM  
Blogger phlegmfatale said...

...but this thin edge of the wedge made him grow long hair? It seems more likely she would have snatched him bald if she were doing it up proper.

5:55 AM  
Blogger phlegmfatale said...

am I right about that?

5:55 AM  
Blogger Spike said...

Adding 2 cents to Kyah's edumication: Heaps of blokes are very keen to be done up the backstairs while being snatched bald.

8:03 AM  
Blogger Tickersoid said...

I think one reply will answer all.

I have it on good authority from someone who has the data available to judge these things. That a suprisingly large number of guys have this fantasy.
It's not hugely arousing but a bit of fun.
Most guys won't admit it because it's humiliating and people might think they're gay. I'ts a straight guy fantasy.
Spike your right.
In this case it's not just me then.

Snooze- Send me an email and I'll post the picture.

Jane- I'm afraid Bert has now hooked up with a grumpy guy called Ernie he met whilst working on the set of 'Sesame Street'.

IDV- Yay. You did indeed beat fuckkit. No slacking this time.

Kyah- I think I can garantee you have already met them.

Xtasy- You can't pull hair and wave a whip about. Everyone knows that.........OK just me then. (my new catch phrase)

Lippy- I rest my case.

Actually I rest my case alot, lazy sod I am.

Funny Thing- 'blackbird stuck up his exhaust'
Ahhh, that reminds me of such happy days.

Phlegm- God you Texans are a raunchy lot. Probably involve a chain saw as well.

Spike- Hi, I didn't know you still read my blog. Yes absolutely right. The numbers are hard to establish because most won't even admit it. However some recent information made available to me in private was quite an eye opener.

9:07 AM  
Blogger frobisher said...

Don't be afraid your prostrate is your G-spot friend!

11:10 AM  
Blogger Tickersoid said...

except that you can't actually reach it on your own.

11:17 AM  
Blogger Pixie Sprinkle said...

Why make him grow his hair when she could have simply got him to wear a horse muzzle and reins?

12:46 PM  
Blogger Tickersoid said...

Long hair doesn't look so odd when you're down the pub.

1:09 PM  
Blogger Lee said...

'Third hand'. Yeah right. It was you!

2:03 PM  
Blogger Kyahgirl said...

so, uh, how long is your hair tickers?

2:42 PM  
Blogger MJ said...

Tick probably has a mullet. All business up front, all party at the back.

2:56 PM  
Blogger Kyahgirl said...

LOL- MJ! you got it. He's a naughty, naughty man :-)

4:17 PM  
Blogger ickle_bro said...

I'm only 20....too young and innocent to understand!

4:27 PM  
Blogger phlegmfatale said...

"God you Texans are a raunchy lot."

...and this is bad in WHAT way?

5:08 PM  
Blogger Tickersoid said...

Lee- No I was the transvestite you met at Tesco's checkout.

Kyah- Funny you should ask. BG sggested it was about time I had it cut.

MJ- Wash your mouth out with soap and water, mullet indeed!

Iclebro- Of course you are sweetie. If you want some inocent boyish fun, just go round your sisters place and shout, "ANTS".

Phlegm- Did I say bad?

6:49 PM  
Blogger collector of ideas said...

I am never going to be able to watch sesame street again in the same light, childhood now in tatters!

7:29 PM  
Blogger Tickersoid said...

I'm sorry, these things happen.
Anyway, I thought I told you last night, stay away from the computer it's ruining your life.

7:37 PM  
Anonymous Mr McGuinness said...

Apparently ex Aston Villa keeper Steffan Postma was partial to being done up the wrong'un by his bird wearing a strap-on cock.

8:46 PM  
Blogger awaiting said...

It's like riding a horse, tick....one hand pulling hair and the other cracking the whip...right cross the asscheek!

11:15 PM  
Blogger turboslut said...

Oooo ... er... missus ;)

Nothing can shock me though. I've seen it all before. With my husbands line of work (adult entertainment)I can promise you that I have seen some pretty strange things.

11:37 PM  
Blogger Tickersoid said...

McGuinness- There we are not so uncommon. Another vote for the shag up the shitter.

Xtasy- Practical advice for those who are curious.

Turbo- I met someone in the industry recently at the 'Pit Pony'. Even I was taken a back. At the end of the day, anything goes as long as it's safe and concentual.
In my book you have to be of the age of concent to be concentual.

12:12 AM  
Blogger shandi said...

I'm quite intriqued that a guy would actually be into this bit of play. How would one approach a man with this idea? I know men who would be disgusted if you wanted to put your finger up their ass (and that's with my nails cut)... go figure.

Great post. Educational public service.

2:43 AM  
Blogger pissoff said...

I think that's a brilliant idea. I've wanted to do that to the Nemisis for years but he won't let me.

3:22 AM  
Blogger Tickersoid said...

Shandi- Depends on the individual. Probably wont work on one night stands unless you or he is miles from home.
If in a young long term relationship, just ask, you should be able to talk about it. If in doubt and he knows you're no virgin, just say a lot of guys you've spoken to are into it at least once. Remember start small and work up. Use lube, it's not a vagina.

Pissoff- Does he ever sleep on his stomach?

12:02 PM  
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5:07 PM  
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1:51 PM  

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