i> Away With The Fairies.: Shagging and Shit.

Sunday, May 07, 2006

Shagging and Shit.

Evil Chicken, one of my daughters poodles, is 'on heat'.
Baboon But Bobby, the other poodle is wild with lust.
I've learned not to leave them together for a moment.
Last night, actually.
I made a quick call, rushed down stairs.
Too late.
Not only had they already started, but my mad panic to check them, had caused Evil Chicken to panic and spasm.
Found them stuck arse to arse like Siamese twins.

--------------------------------

At work today, an electrician was confessing to Max Cadey and his co worker Councilor, how he'd recently shit his pants and had to change back into the previous days dirty underwear. It had happened whilst he was on a job ( no pun intended ) at Port Talbot. Apparently, he was on his way to the bog when an unstoppable fart had suffered a 'follow through'.

We all know this because Max, having recently announced on the radio, something impressive like the 'shutting down of Zone 4', or the rapidly declining state of the dylithium crystals, had felt the conversation deserved a wider audience and had secretly left the mic' button on.
We know it was Max and not Councilor, because Max was asking for increasingly more sordid details.

Having strong feelings about this unforgivable, breach of confidence, I've decided to blog it.

The truth is now definitely 'out there'.

15 Comments:

Blogger Fuckkit said...

First! Fuck yeah!

9:53 PM  
Blogger Fuckkit said...

And now I've read it. Does Max blog? Do you think he'll podcast that little announcment?

9:55 PM  
Blogger Pixie Sprinkle said...

Nice one Tickers. A house full of baby poodles is EXACTLY what you need. They will be so cute - you can decorate them all with little pink bows and refer to them all as 'your babies'.

10:06 PM  
Blogger Tickersoid said...

fuckkit- No but that would be good wouldn't it.

pixie- Not bloomin likely, I'll be making a trebuchette and launching the little bleeders over the valley.

10:31 PM  
Blogger Fuckkit said...

Rig the mic up to some kind of recording device. Go on, please?

11:40 PM  
Blogger tfg said...

Get yourself a camera and you'll be set for entry into the lucrative puppy porn industry.

2:04 AM  
Blogger Snooze said...

Shagging and shit, Poo and poodles. I cringed thinking of the poor electrician, but it made me laugh.

2:31 AM  
Blogger awaiting said...

I've never shit my pants and that is a good thing too...I don't think I could be divalicious with shitty draws.

3:23 AM  
Blogger pissoff said...

Now... was that a complete follow through or just a nasty skidder? You didn't happen to have an extra panty liner handy did you?

4:56 AM  
Blogger Tickersoid said...

fuckkit- I use the word 'sordid', you can't get enough.

tfg- Good Idea, but I draw the line at shitsoo porn.

snooze- Don't worry, us steel workers are a thick skinned lot. Can't wait for his reaction when he finds out.

xtasy- I don't know, I'm told it works for some guys.

pissoff- Down the inside leg according to what I heard. We were spared nothing.

7:12 AM  
Blogger 100darkangels said...

Tickersoid - Well you will have some lovely baby poodles, lovely little balls of fluff. What sort of name is Evil Chicken of a dog, they say give a dog a bad name poor animal.

10:33 AM  
Blogger 100darkangels said...

Tickersoid - Well you will have some lovely baby poodles, lovely little balls of fluff. What sort of name is Evil Chicken of a dog, they say give a dog a bad name poor animal.

10:33 AM  
Blogger Kyahgirl said...

so its true, farts DO have lumps.

oh, and congratulations on your new puppies, 8 weeks in advance.

5:41 PM  
Blogger Tickersoid said...

Angels & Kyah- There will be no puppies. Chicken will be imunised against them.
Bobby is having an operation that will add to my cuff link collection.

7:38 PM  
Blogger phlegmfatale said...

Well, it would be a shame for him to be pregnant with a big event and have to keep it all to himself.

10:42 PM  

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