"It'll all end in tears."
That's what my mother used to say when my big bro'' and I started play fighting. He was bigger than me so the tears were usually mine.
You'd think at my age I would have learned.
Saturday night at the 'Pit Pony' I start provoking a fight with a much younger guy by prodding him with a guitar. Things escalate, until I get whacked in the face with a saxophone. This dislodges my glasses and, as I step back to find them, CRUNCH......Bugger!
I told Little Miss, my teenage daughter, the story the following day. She reckoned I was being a bit of a drama queen, 'cos a fight with inflatable vinyl musical instruments is no big deal!
Yesterday, I'm in Cwmbran, to get my glasses fixed. I'm familiar with the shops and don't need to wear my nerdy spare pair to find 'Specsavers'.
I'm explaining my problem to the assistant at reception, unaware of the significance of the vague aroma of coffee.
"I'm sorry sir, this is a sandwich bar, 'Specsavers' have moved up the mall."
You'd think at my age I would have learned.
Saturday night at the 'Pit Pony' I start provoking a fight with a much younger guy by prodding him with a guitar. Things escalate, until I get whacked in the face with a saxophone. This dislodges my glasses and, as I step back to find them, CRUNCH......Bugger!
I told Little Miss, my teenage daughter, the story the following day. She reckoned I was being a bit of a drama queen, 'cos a fight with inflatable vinyl musical instruments is no big deal!
Yesterday, I'm in Cwmbran, to get my glasses fixed. I'm familiar with the shops and don't need to wear my nerdy spare pair to find 'Specsavers'.
I'm explaining my problem to the assistant at reception, unaware of the significance of the vague aroma of coffee.
"I'm sorry sir, this is a sandwich bar, 'Specsavers' have moved up the mall."
posted by Tickersoid at 11:59 AM
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47 Comments:
First!
*sticks two fingers up at IDV*
Woops. Looks like the nerdy pair may have been necessary after all.
I don't know many people who can claim to have ended up badly off after an inflatable instrument fight. Actually I don't think I've heard of anyone else ever being in one. Kudos to you for originality!
That's so great. I don't know what's better - you being in a fight with inflatable instruments, or trying to get your glasses fixed at a coffee shop. Did you indulge in a cup while you were there?
I wouldn't walk anywhere without my glasses. I'm blind as a bat.
Your Little Miss is quite cute, and wise :-)
How on earth did you get to Cwmbran in the first place if you can't see? Surely you could smell the aroma of the coffee or have you lost the sense of smell too? Did you get your glasses fix?
Seventh!
* gets out secateurs for some finger pruning *
Fuckkit- More evidence that you don't have enough to do.
qenny- If you ever get a job gigging in pubs, inflateable instuments always go down well.
Snooze- Nah, I wanted to leave as soon as.
Shifty- You say the sweetest things.
Kyah- I shouldn't either, it's very confusing.
Anon- I drove using the dorky glasses. I really am quite blind without them.
IDV- Why would you want to prune your fingers?
Not mine. Fuckkit's! Did you not see her sticking her fingers up at me. So rude...
Oh yes. It's all very funny till someone loses an eye.
Glasses are all very well, but they just don't get your pulse going the same as a cup of caffeine, do you?
You ended up in the right place.
(Or a massage parlour would be an acceptable alternative, pulse-wise)
I too got in a fight one night and got my glasses broken. I couldn't see a damn thing without them and it cost me $40 to catch a cab home. My buddies continued on without me - Pricks.
I have plenty to do. I'm just not doing it.
I guess I'm strange (well, I am, but for lots of reasons) because my prescription lenses have never been very strong, but the past few years they've gotten milder every trip to the doctor. Last year he told me I technically didn't need them anymore, so I passed the eye test at the license bureau and got the restriction removed from my driver's license. That said, I do like the teeny bit of crispness my glasses afford, and I got a fabulous pair of specs about a year ago. I'd left them on the coffee table, thinking they were safe, but not taking into account the Jack Russell Terrorist in the household, I made free to walk across the living room and *CRUNCH*. Just like your inflatable instrument malfunction, they faced the challenge bravely, but weren't up to the task of life at the opposite end of me.
I've nothing to say, but wanted you to know I was here.
Goodbye.
Ok, so now I have nothing to do.
*loiters aimlessly for a bit*
K, I'm off to make tea.
Oooh I'll have a cup!
You should know never to trust memory at your age Tickers! Haha only joking ;-)
I'll have a green tea please, if you're making some.
Failing that, a pint of Guinness. I haven't done a black shit for ages.
Get your optical prescription from your Optitian and go to
www.glassesdirect.co.uk
oh, ask your optitian for your pupil distance. I got a great pair of reading glasses really cheap. Well pleased.
Well as most medical journals state that it is unadvisable to go more than a month without doing a black shit I'm buying you a pint of Guinness.
In spirit anyway.
IDV- OK I'm just a bit thick.
Arabella- I know, I'm just starting my second childhood.
FT- Coffee and massage are good, but so is not bumping into things or looking like Doc Cox.
April- It's a bitch when they get broken in an RTA and you need to know what's happened and get insurance details.
Fuckkit- I was being unkind. Blogging is a perfectly valid thing to be doing. If it makes you happy it's worthwile. Doesn't get the dishes done though.
Did I ever tell you. I think you and Lee are king and Queen of the 'one liners'.
Oh, and mines a latte 2 sweeteners.
Phlegm- I like the 'Jack Russel Terrorist' I'll have to use that.
Muck- Although the memory is fading, the shop had moved.
PT- I'm glad I have no personal experience of Guinness induced black poo.
Frobe- Thanks for the tip. I was thinking it time I bought a new pair.
I came back too. Only because I'd left my secateurs...
OK, I've been feeling bad about having my readers suspend belief, that anyone could be so blind, as to mistake a sandwich bar for and opticians.
I was in the library comming to the last part of the post and a window pops up telling me to save everything 'cos it's gonna shut down in 5. I panicked and rushed the last bit. Just managed to publish before the 'puter shut down.
The truth is, I was about to enter when I heard the clatter and chatter and smelled the coffee. Wasn't paying much attention you see? I still had to go in to ask where the opticians had gone.
Do stay IDV, Fuckkits makeing some tea, I'm sure she won't mind another cup.
You always entertain me! I love the stories you tell! I am racking my brain for some funny kid stories...as I have many that would make you burst at the seams! Will post them later! Just for you!
I don't mind making tea but I draw the line at a latte. Mainly because I have no idea what one is. Shocking really if you consider that my girlfriend worked in Starbucks for nearly a year.
I don't do tea, but I'll stay for the company - delightful, as always (no sarcasm intended).
*hands IDV a cup of machine coffee*
There might be some bits in it but you can drink round them.
Fuckkit, you may as well have handed me poison!
I guess it'll do, though...
Sorry about the faint taste of chlorine.
Xtasy- I love yours too. At the moment you are a well kept secret known only to Fuckkit and myself.
It'll pick up when people find out.
Fuckkit- Latte is coffee with milk. How about that. Who would have thought of combining those two?
I couldn't taste the chlorine - I think it must've been masked by the mercury.
Tickers, maybe Fuckkit's lactose intolerant?
* rubs hands together in glee *
Coffee mixed with milk? That's where I've been going wrong all these years.
And no, IDV, I'm not lactose intolerant. Are you arsenic intolerant? I forgot to ask before I gave you that coffee ;)
No, arsenic I can take. Although it does give me unruly wind!
Wondered what that smell was. You could lay waste to a small country with gas like that.
I could? That sounds like permission to me!
* rushes off to drink the dregs of Fuckkit's coffee before flying over to a disagreeable nation *
Have a happy Easter Tickersoid:)
*points at France*
Popping in to say Happy Easter and Lotsa-Chocolate-and-Jelly-Bean Day!
I so enjoy IDV and Fuckkits banter.
Happy Easter Cezi and Xtasy.
I've got a good story to post but not enough internet time to typw it. Would've bought a tower today but all the shops are shut.
There. That's France taken care of!
* grins. almost as evilly as Fuckkit *
And "Hi" Tickers - almost forgot this is your place : )
Closed? Even Pissy Werld?
Nice one, IDV. I reckon you could pimp your arse out to George Bush as a lethal bio weapon.
Pissy Werld smells of urine - don't go there.
Fuckkit, hand me another cup of that foul coffee and I'll go over and sort out that stupid moron!
*hands over more machine coffee*
IDV- I didn't think you were the sort of chap that did 'Bush'.
Eeeeeeeeewwwww!
* hurls. copiously *
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