Flash

The plan for the last two days, has been to get up early and reassemble my Reliant three wheeled car ready for going back to work. There is however, no end to my procrastinations. The garage is cramped, cold, very damp, badly lit and fifty feet below the level of my patio. consequently, I have been starting at about 1.00 pm and finishing at around 3.00 pm. To make things worse, Biker Girl has caught a nasty cold and I think she's given it to me.

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Are you sitting comfortably? Then I'll begin.

There was a character at our steel plant, now retired, called Flash. Flash was in his 50's when I knew him. It has to be said, Flash wasn't the 'most shiny, zinc ingot in the stock bay'.

Flash worked in a control cabin with a young guy called Gary at the 'sharp end' of the process.
The process is speed critical. In those days the briefest of line stops cost the firm about £7000. Consequently, workers would do everything in their power to avoid the whole thing grinding to an ingnominious halt.

It's a night shift at the 'sharp end' and the diarrhoea is flying spectacularly off the fan. Gary is rushing around frenetically trying to get things under control, informing downstream control cabins of the 'problem status' and answering the obligatory internal phone call, which is usually someone from the 'blunt end' blowing a 'raspberry' for entertainment purposes. He's aware that Flash is starting to loose it but reckons as long as he doesn't get in his way and helps with simple tasks when asked, it shouldn't be a problem.

After a short while, Gary is getting the upper hand on the situation but requires some assistance with a two man task. It's at this point he realises he's on his own.

Gary leaves the cabin and walks briskly into the stock area. Like all stock areas it's arranged in a grid system of walk ways.
He's about a quarter of the way down the wider central walk way, when he glimpses Flash, crossing his path at a run, naked but for safety boots and a hard hat!

In the mean time, Gary has figured out a way around the two man task and returns uncomprehendingly to their cabin. He regains control of the process, cranks up the speed and settles down to watching the CCTV monitors.

A few minuits later, Flash returns fully clothed and slightly out of breath.

Gary turns his head to look at him, waiting for an explanation that doesn't come, after as short pause, he asks slowly and deliberately,

"What, in the name of the holy mother of fuck, have you been playing at?"

"She's been running around the stock bay naked"

Flash called everyone, including himself, 'she'. Gary paused again as he tried to make sense of it

"why?"

"She was getting awful stressed, there's nothing like running around naked to relieve stress. Fancy a 'cuppa'?"

Gary picks up the tanoy microphone, this has to be announced.