Random Stuff.
I received a text today from the Fabulous Karaoke Karen. It read-
"HI PP"
I asked a few colleagues if they knew what it meant but to no avail.
She rang a few minutes later. It turned out she's bought a new mobile. It's default setting is 'predictive text' and she doesn't know how to use it or turn it off.
On the subject of the Fabulous Karaoke Karen, When I confessed to her, I'd used her real name on my blog, I softened the blow by telling her, that as a consequence, she was now a gay icon. So, could my gay readers please 'big her up'.
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Is it just me, or does anyone else think a 'Big Mac' would be more appropriately named a McSlime burger?
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You may have read in the national press recently, about Jane Jones, the ex barmaid who married into money but had many lovers on the side. She was recently cleared of conspiring to bump him off. I always think this sort of thing is a sign that the marriage has problems.
Anyway, on a recent visit to my sister in Abergavenny, she told me the local fishmonger had said it was quite exciting shutting up the shop for an hour to have a quick shag.
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Out last night at the 'Pit Pony' When the 'Oops Upside Your Head' row boat started. Carry-Anne tapped Biker Girl on the arm and said "Come on."
The two ladies rushed to the back of the 'boat' only to be beaten to it by a particularly unattractive gentleman. Both girls immediately spun on their heels and went "Ewww!"
I think I'm getting too old for the 'row boat'. Puts a bit of a strain on the back and thighs. Maybe I'll just make a paper cone and play the cox.
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A young couple I know recently expressed their desire to marry. They've only been going out a short time. Already, she's insisted he have a penis extension.
I think I'd have spent the money having her vagina and throat shortened.
"HI PP"
I asked a few colleagues if they knew what it meant but to no avail.
She rang a few minutes later. It turned out she's bought a new mobile. It's default setting is 'predictive text' and she doesn't know how to use it or turn it off.
On the subject of the Fabulous Karaoke Karen, When I confessed to her, I'd used her real name on my blog, I softened the blow by telling her, that as a consequence, she was now a gay icon. So, could my gay readers please 'big her up'.
---------------------
Is it just me, or does anyone else think a 'Big Mac' would be more appropriately named a McSlime burger?
---------------------
You may have read in the national press recently, about Jane Jones, the ex barmaid who married into money but had many lovers on the side. She was recently cleared of conspiring to bump him off. I always think this sort of thing is a sign that the marriage has problems.
Anyway, on a recent visit to my sister in Abergavenny, she told me the local fishmonger had said it was quite exciting shutting up the shop for an hour to have a quick shag.
---------------------
Out last night at the 'Pit Pony' When the 'Oops Upside Your Head' row boat started. Carry-Anne tapped Biker Girl on the arm and said "Come on."
The two ladies rushed to the back of the 'boat' only to be beaten to it by a particularly unattractive gentleman. Both girls immediately spun on their heels and went "Ewww!"
I think I'm getting too old for the 'row boat'. Puts a bit of a strain on the back and thighs. Maybe I'll just make a paper cone and play the cox.
---------------------
A young couple I know recently expressed their desire to marry. They've only been going out a short time. Already, she's insisted he have a penis extension.
I think I'd have spent the money having her vagina and throat shortened.
posted by Tickersoid at 8:25 PM
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30 Comments:
it sounds like u r a little jealous of biker girl & carry anne. wots up u not man enough they r only good friends
The young couple is headed for an early demise I predict!!
What is the 'row boat' about? It's not a term/thing I'm familiar with.
Jane Jones sounds like a fun girl to know...
anon- Carry Anne and Biker girl? that would be hard to imagine.
Kyahgirl- Just after I published this post. I went out and saw them down at the 'Pit Pony'. I think there was some 'back peddling' on the 'penis front'.
snooze- It's a kind of tandem, sitting down on the floor with your crotch up against the bum of the person in front of you 'dance'.
Whereas it seems like Anonymous has got the hang of txt spk perfectly, right down to the lack of punctuation and and blatant disregard for spelling and grammar.
Ah well, no one said said it had to make sense, isn't that right, Anonymous? :)
Big-up Karaoke Karen? Erm... Don't think so.
Unless she's extremely beautiful, of course.
There again, unless she has a whopping big dick, she'd be useless to me. I doubt whether she'd be able to get her fanny up my arse, unless she's like Tina Cakesniffer and has a vulva like, erm, fuck I can't believe I'm talking about vulva's.
Anyway, what are we supposed to say to Karaoke Karen then? 'Hello!' and such stuff? Or should we be much more up-front and talk about those orange peel thighs that she needs to do something about?
Do we get to see a pic of her?
Will we need protective glasses and a bottle of smelling salts?
Ditto - Karaoke Karen? to be a gay icon there would have to be a certain amount of personal tragedy eg:- additiction to prescription painkillers/string of unsuitable menfriends/friends with Paul o'Grady, etc.
Karen sounds like she has 'bingo wings' and does 'The Wind Beneath my Wings'.
1. Who's Karaoke Karen?
2. Is your sister shagging the fishmonger?
3.I was going to ask what the "row boat" thing was but you've already settled that one. Thanks.
Oh yes, and:
4. Everything from McDonald's should be McSlime somethingorother...
Cakesniffer mentioned them once, and I didn't understand then...what are "bingo wings"? (see Frobisher). Am I going to wish I hadn't asked?
Frobisher knows all about Bingo Wings, Arabella.
Quite the expert that tramp is.
I can think of nothing worse than positioning myself in someones sweaty crotch whilst my nose is confronted with their armpits. Foul.
Why on earth is your friend marrying someone who insults his genitalia so? It wouldn't wash with me I tell you.
despite the serious jab to his manhood, I think he should go along with it. in fact, I think he should overembrace the idea and just get a ridiculously large penis. kinda reminds me of Mario Puzo's The Last Don when they talk about that girl who had to get sewn up and still couldn't find a man who could satisfy her...until she met Sonny Corleone.
I see you've sorted out your timing.
About Christing time!
P&T- Yeh, I don't think I thought some of this through.
frobisher- Addictions; no. Unsuitable men friends; yes.
Bingo Wings; yes.
DeVice- If you ever watched 'Stars in their Eyes' with that tall guy with the beard, she was 'Vera Lynn'
I didn't make it clear, but the fish monger shagged Jane Jones.
Arabella- Bingo wings are the loose wobbly bits of flesh found under the upper arms of 'ladies of a certain age'.
I sorted the timing thing ages ago. Keep up!
Muck- I dunno, sounds good to me.
I'm with you on the 'genitalia' thing.
Ka$h- I'll put it to him.
jobyrivers- She is everyones favourite super hero, except piggies.
Thanks for the information about winged things. What a relief! I thought it would be much worse.
So do you have them then, Arabella?
Mathew Kelly, the tall guy with the beard. It just came to me as I woke up.
Lady Muck- I always find it best, not to wash with 'insulted genitalia'. Trust me.
> So, could my gay readers please 'big her up'.
GoooooOOOOOOOO, Karen! Wooo!
(that big enough for you? Grin.)
Thank you Lee, that's just the ticket.
Do I have winged things? Of course not. I have the artfully toned arms of a 'fine used and rare books' - seller. Lifting and hefting elephantine editions, up and down steps, it's a dusty work-out all the long day. But thank you for being concerned. Sweet.
"Shorten her vigina and throat" these are atories tha make me thankful that I'm small and have a little tight ass:)
I've had 'Oops Upside Your Head' stuck in my brain for three days now!
Typing not up to your usual high standard, Cezi.
Let me see, it must have been 6.22pm in Dallas when you wrote that, so I'm guessing you'd either just woken up, or were well into your third bottle of Pinot Grigio.
"tight ass."
My Chambers Dictionary defines 'tight' as,
1) Not slack.
2) Firm.
3) Well co-ordinated.
4) Miserly.
5) Intoxicated.
It defines 'ass' as,
1) A small, grey, long-eared animal of the horse genus.
2) A stupid person
3) Arse.
I make that 15 permutations none of which make much sense.
I suspect 'ass' has a different meaning in the U.S.
I have a firm, pert arse.
'Ass' is such a wanky word. Americans being a bit thick never realise just how stoopid it sounds to everyone else.
*raises hand*
sir, could you please explain what 'big her up' means? I'm a daft Canadian who is not familiar with this phrase.
There is nothing wrong with the word ass, although Arse has a more universal meaning. Ass is clearly open to misinterpretion.
Oh God, I don't know what I said!!Oh...ASS! Never mind-- blame it on the wine:)
P&T- Ha Ha, Cezi is too smart for you. She knew you were 'fishing for insults'.
Mind, makes you wonder what the 'bible bet' make of "thou shalt not covet thy neighbours ass,"
I say ditch Christianity and get a bit of Ass coveting done.
Kyahgirl-To speak highly of, to applaud.
Lee's got the right idea.
Do Americans use the word 'ass' to mean 'fanny'? After all, I think they say 'fanny' when they mean 'arse'.
Cezi- Could you clear up the above paragraph for us?
Tickersoid, the word "ASS" has become part of our daily lives, and we use it in our conversation to compliment or insult someone--You'll hear in the little kids cartoons.
-Mary, get your fat ass here!
-Man…she has a fine ass!!
-If you don’t stop I’ll kick your ass!!!
-I hate her ass!!!
-Ass face!!!!
-Stupid ass!!!
See “Ass” as stupid as it sounds to you, is in our daily conversation! Now, if you don’t understand this I’ll have to kick your ass, I mean, “your buttocks!” :)
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