Just a small filler before my 'Tims Todger' story.
Just a couple of the 'moments' from this week. I've been working quite a few 12 hour shifts, so haven't had time to compose much. I've got a few ideas on the back burner, so providing my alzheimers doesn't evaporate them I'll be alright when time avails it's self.
Wandering into an adjoining cabin at work, ( cabin- think Homer Simpsons workplace ) to tell them that, one of the furnace gas valves had developed a fault, and the resulting explosive atmosphere was likely to induce Armageddon, ( or it might have been to 'borrow' a couple of custard cream biscuits to dunk in my coffee, I forget which. ) I noticed a sex toy catalogue lying on the part of the control desk, normally reserved for the resting of, greasy 'safety' boots. I think they'd had a 'bit of a rush on'. Maybe they'd already heard about the fucked valve or run out of 'jammy dodgers' or something.
I couldn't resist. Flicking through the pages of 'scary, pink, vibrating, knobbly things', I came across, ( no, not literally. Philistines! ) the extensive collection of 'but plugs'.
Now, being regarded as ' a bit gay' by my colleagues, I've developed a kind of 'gentlemen who do air kissing' alter ego and so had to comment.
" I'm not paying £15.99 for a but plug! They can shove that up their arse!" I ranted in mock outrage.
"Anyway, ( piggies favorite word ) how come they come in so many different colours, it's not like you're going to see them."
The second happened last night as I was preparing for the anticipated Valentines day payback.
Actually, it's not really like that. Biker Girl is not a fluffy V-day bull shit person, for that I salute her. Ironically, I think that's even more reason to make a bit of a fuss of her.
I was just changing the sheets, when the 'phone rang.
Me-"Hello."
Two second delay, whilst connection made to Calcutta. This pre-warns me of what's coming and gives me a chance to think of something.
Cold caller-"Hello, is that Mr Steel Worker? My name is Nigel. I'm calling on behalf of 'Aspiring Amalgamated Global Telecom' to see if you would be interested in our telecommunications package. We think you would benefit from...."
Me- "You have a verrry attractive voice. Are you, by any chance, gay?"
There then followed a short pause followed by a burrrring sound.
I'm wondering how long it'll be before the novelty of this type of gag wears off.
Has any one noticed a falt on the spell checker. If you have to go round it a second time, as I frequently do with my poor spelling, it misses out spaces and repeats the last letter of the word.
Wandering into an adjoining cabin at work, ( cabin- think Homer Simpsons workplace ) to tell them that, one of the furnace gas valves had developed a fault, and the resulting explosive atmosphere was likely to induce Armageddon, ( or it might have been to 'borrow' a couple of custard cream biscuits to dunk in my coffee, I forget which. ) I noticed a sex toy catalogue lying on the part of the control desk, normally reserved for the resting of, greasy 'safety' boots. I think they'd had a 'bit of a rush on'. Maybe they'd already heard about the fucked valve or run out of 'jammy dodgers' or something.
I couldn't resist. Flicking through the pages of 'scary, pink, vibrating, knobbly things', I came across, ( no, not literally. Philistines! ) the extensive collection of 'but plugs'.
Now, being regarded as ' a bit gay' by my colleagues, I've developed a kind of 'gentlemen who do air kissing' alter ego and so had to comment.
" I'm not paying £15.99 for a but plug! They can shove that up their arse!" I ranted in mock outrage.
"Anyway, ( piggies favorite word ) how come they come in so many different colours, it's not like you're going to see them."
The second happened last night as I was preparing for the anticipated Valentines day payback.
Actually, it's not really like that. Biker Girl is not a fluffy V-day bull shit person, for that I salute her. Ironically, I think that's even more reason to make a bit of a fuss of her.
I was just changing the sheets, when the 'phone rang.
Me-"Hello."
Two second delay, whilst connection made to Calcutta. This pre-warns me of what's coming and gives me a chance to think of something.
Cold caller-"Hello, is that Mr Steel Worker? My name is Nigel. I'm calling on behalf of 'Aspiring Amalgamated Global Telecom' to see if you would be interested in our telecommunications package. We think you would benefit from...."
Me- "You have a verrry attractive voice. Are you, by any chance, gay?"
There then followed a short pause followed by a burrrring sound.
I'm wondering how long it'll be before the novelty of this type of gag wears off.
Has any one noticed a falt on the spell checker. If you have to go round it a second time, as I frequently do with my poor spelling, it misses out spaces and repeats the last letter of the word.
posted by Tickersoid at 10:25 AM
.jpg)
10 Comments:
hahahahahahahaha
That's funny!
when I have telemarketers call, I usually hand the phone over to my 4 year old brother and let him talk to them for awhile.
ps--thanks for linking me! I'm going to get to yours today!!
I think the guy knew what it was about and didn't want to waste time. Probably on a bonus.
4 yo bro' sounds good though.
I've tried putting comments on your recent posts, but for some reason it all goes tits up.
Recon Cakesniffer's would be it.
Thanks for the compliments.
I read some of your posts and one of them actually brought a tear to my eye, but it would be a long and boring story to say why.
I'd be honoured to have a link. I've already put one in for you.
Loving the buttplug comments and especially the way you deal with cold callers. If no one says hello in the two seconds after I pick up and say hello, I put the phone down. Or send a demon down the line. Depends which mood I'm in.
San Francisco police telephone, demanding donations to the 'widow's' pension fund. Always at night. When I'm alone. Scares the pants off me. I mean, they know where I live and they have guns. Whaaah. Normally I'd adopt the persona of Lady Muck and say "Terribly sorry but I simply do not conduct business on the telephone". But when SFs finest call, I pretend to be a batty English lady and the officer usually hangs up in frustration. At least I think I'm pretending - hard to say these days when I rarely meet any English people for comparison. Delighted to find your blog and spend some time in Pantymonyum.
Device- Tired and couldn't be bothered with todays cold caller so I used ur technique. ( not the Demon one. )
Indiaiynke- It's a bit personal so I wouldn't want to talk about it in public.
Arabella- There would be outrage if that happened over here. Police integrity and such. Sounds a bit like a protection racket.
Like the Batty old lady routine.
I think a batty English women would sound so much more inpentratable than an American.
We were so impressed over here with Angelina Jolies English accent. She sounded like a natural.
"Old?" "Old??" Oh, never mind. No one's here any more. (Am I the only person in the world without a computer at work?)
:)
arabella- Sorry just re-read your first comment. No mention of 'old' Is SF the gayest city of the world or is it Sydney?
I thought it was Barnsley.
Might well be
Post a Comment
<< Home