You have two messages.
There is something exciting about the robot telling you have messages. It makes you think you're popular.
This morning there were two.
The first was some guy slurring a reply to some girl who'd left a message on his robot.
Ever since I saw ' Ruthless People,' I've had fun with wrong numbers.
"I'm sorry Simon can't talk to you right now as I've just tightened his ball gag."
My favorite is a text message I once received from a girl, who was clearly starting a new relationship with a guy called Phillip.
She was texting to say, she thought she had glimpsed him, darting into a clothes shop.
I texted back gleefully;
Hi Sharon, it was me. I was shopping for some women's clothing. I somehow feel more relaxed when I wear them. Catch you later. Phil.
That evening guilt kicked in.
I decided to ring the poor girl and explain.
ME "You don't know me, I'm a middle aged steel worker living in South Wales. The point is, you sent me a text this morning which was intended for Phillip."
HER "Riiiiight."
ME "I made up that stuff about women's clothing as a joke."
HER "Riiiiight."
I'm convinced, she either still doesn't know what happened, or she thinks Phillip thought better of his confession and got one of his mates to back peddle for him.
The second was from the fabulous Karaoke Karen to tell me to assemble the gang. She's back in town.
Cue confetti and last part of '1812 overture.'
I can feel the darkness lifting.
This morning there were two.
The first was some guy slurring a reply to some girl who'd left a message on his robot.
Ever since I saw ' Ruthless People,' I've had fun with wrong numbers.
"I'm sorry Simon can't talk to you right now as I've just tightened his ball gag."
My favorite is a text message I once received from a girl, who was clearly starting a new relationship with a guy called Phillip.
She was texting to say, she thought she had glimpsed him, darting into a clothes shop.
I texted back gleefully;
Hi Sharon, it was me. I was shopping for some women's clothing. I somehow feel more relaxed when I wear them. Catch you later. Phil.
That evening guilt kicked in.
I decided to ring the poor girl and explain.
ME "You don't know me, I'm a middle aged steel worker living in South Wales. The point is, you sent me a text this morning which was intended for Phillip."
HER "Riiiiight."
ME "I made up that stuff about women's clothing as a joke."
HER "Riiiiight."
I'm convinced, she either still doesn't know what happened, or she thinks Phillip thought better of his confession and got one of his mates to back peddle for him.
The second was from the fabulous Karaoke Karen to tell me to assemble the gang. She's back in town.
Cue confetti and last part of '1812 overture.'
I can feel the darkness lifting.
posted by Tickersoid at 3:22 PM
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7 Comments:
I want a Karaoke Karen.
I'll trade you for a Pepto-Bizmol Paula.
Aw Gawd I love it. How do you sleep so well? Hahaha excellent.
Lee- Your on, but not until she starts to wear off a bit.
Lady Muck- Youve got a new hobby now. Wrong numbers will never be the same again.
It also works on cold callers.
When some guy form Culcutta, who calls himself 'Peter' ( yeh right )
tries to sell you a new telecome package, you can do a 'Dick Emmery' on him.
Just keep interrupting him saying stuff like;
"Are you married?"
"Do you find Western women attractive?"
Que?
Due yue mean "cue"?
I am, for obvious reasons perhaps, very sensitive about spelling words with "Q".
Thanks for that. I'm not officially dyslexic but I am a very slow reader and quite some way down that scale. I once took the trouble to learn the apostrophy rules, but years of being a blue collar worker has taken its toll.
Well if that's the only error you make in all this amusing writing then you're clearly hiding your slow-readingness very well. So take my crit as a compliment or something.
Thanks. I always came last in English, with occasional spikes of brilliance.
The up side of dyslexia for me, ( the exact definition point is arbitry ) is the gift I have for mechanical aptitude.
Oh and on the subject of Qs, Why do the press insist on spelling Arabic words with a 'Q' instead of a 'K' is it just to mess up the 'u' after 'q' rule?
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