Michael Caine
'Michael Caine', so called because his accent resembles that of the snake eyed British actor, is your average, 30'ish, nice family man, relatively shy and honest.
Recently he was given the task of driving a flat bed truck , loaded with a seven tonne roll, to the regrinding shop. This involves driving into an air lock designed to stop draughts disturbing the 'process'.
Unfortunatly, Michael isn't familiar with the truck controls and fails to stop, ploughing through the large concertina door at the outer end. The door now resembles a kind of giant, mangled, cat flap.
When word of this hits the tanoy system, I quickly pick up the mic' to quip, but get beaten to it by Max Cadey who assertively mis-quotes,
"You're not supposed to blow the bloody doors off!"
Recently he was given the task of driving a flat bed truck , loaded with a seven tonne roll, to the regrinding shop. This involves driving into an air lock designed to stop draughts disturbing the 'process'.
Unfortunatly, Michael isn't familiar with the truck controls and fails to stop, ploughing through the large concertina door at the outer end. The door now resembles a kind of giant, mangled, cat flap.
When word of this hits the tanoy system, I quickly pick up the mic' to quip, but get beaten to it by Max Cadey who assertively mis-quotes,
"You're not supposed to blow the bloody doors off!"
posted by Tickersoid at 8:32 PM
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33 Comments:
Very nice. Excellent.
Has "Michael" been given a telling off?
It was on the tip of my tongue all the way through the post......
bugger. you both beat me to it! You and this Max feller
poor Michael. how embarassing!
Tina- I think he had a mild telling off. As company policy for truck driving is once around the block for training, I don't think management were in a strong position.
Andi- Hey I know. I was trying to say something which wasn't a mis-quote but Maxes comment worked just as well.
Kyah- Empathetic as ever. We all cock up like this from time to time so thought nothing of it.
Did you at least get a good laugh out of it? God knows I would have :)
my word tickers. your job is so butch.
He must have been mortified - he'll never hear the end of it, will he?
Can I borrow a flat bed truck for the purposes of accidently driving it through the front doors at work?
I want a truck too. DESTROY!
PS I'm Tenth! Boo ya all the rest of you suck, etc etc.
Brianne- We certainly thought it was a hoot. I mean an negative experience, with the positive benefit of valuable learning.
Shifty- No pint was considered neccessary, just relentless derision.
J Jane- It can be. I try to avoid anything involving protective clothing. Watching things and pressing buttons is butch enough for me.
Phlegm- We went on a safety course recently where a photo of the mangled door was shown as a 'how not to do it' example. That raised a cheer.
Fuckkit- Having followed your comments for a while I'm beginnig to detect a pattern.
perhaps we could invent a video game 'Bloggerdoom'.
Bugger! That Fuckkit has beaten me again. She obviously hasn't got the cake I sent her yet...
IDV, I hope you're playing 'cricket'.
Well I still havent got the vodka you were meant to send me to appease the mullet. I cant hold it back for much longer, DeVice.
fuckkit- Are you going to Australia just to justify having a mullet?
Well I figured I was less likely to get beaten up for it over there.
Poor guy - I'll bet he turned red to be reminded.
I used to work at a huge mail processing facility in Dallas, and there were always forklifts and big equipment rolling through the facility, and the policy seemed to be "Break it - it's paid for." Their poor grammar, not mine, by the way. :o)
Wow - fuckkit has a Kentucky Waterfall? What a ballsy chick - growing in esteem in my estimation! She should come over here and do roller derby.
Alas the mullet isn't intentional but it appears to have developed a life of its own and I fear the repercussions of trying to chop it off.
Its already tried to throttle DeVice.
You haven't got the vodka, Fuckkit? I'm surprised! Surely there can't be anything rotten in the Great British Postal Service?
Can there?
Now I'm going to have to dig a moat around the house - well, the whole row. I live in a terrace! Mullets (the non-fish kind) can't swim can they?
I'm not ignoring you, Tickers. I saw this and thought of you.
Oh, and I never was one for "cricket" being a Gentleman Who Can't Catch...
On the subject Mullets I pronounce this:
Hasselhoff: Smiling Martyr of Toast
The best picture that was ever!
Be written with lawns awash
with respect and show us your fans,
glorious choruses playing, of course with your fans
grand songs of Germanic splendour.
We tried to find out, Dave
Happy Dave Mulleted Dave, our Amazon Hoff
We adore your gentle hands
But most of all a wee in the Offical David Hasselhoff paper airplane
We adore you and Kitt filming Knight Rider.
Then into an elephant you cut a glider.
To David's thong, in paper airplane, retrieving a god.
Understand, The Hasselhoff is a living legend.
No words to in an email receive his hairy manliness.
If you want to see the Hasselhoff, send an elephant
and pray to receive email updates.
For Dave resides in lands where shielded from danger
by heavy chaffing brown hair,
he cannot freely share both muscular body
or mystical Hasselhoff Square.
Oh lord, drop down your David Hasselhoff stories.
Oh Hasselhoff, where shielded from danger by brown hair,
or deluded so-called fan's, who take the piss, shoddy internet broswers
Remember Dave, you are not trousers...
A Poem by the cloned corpse of Marcus Tal
inspired by the brilliance of David Hasselhoff
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Dear Tickersoid,
I apologise for the baffling double posting of my Hasselhoff Poem.
It shall be removed
Fucking plonker if you ask me.
Mullets are back (if you've got no taste and live on an estate).
Those of us who are Welsh or otherwise superior have tasteful hairdos that keep themselves to themselves....
Love the story, dearie!
Fuckkit- The land where a mullet can feel at home.
Phlegm- That attitude used to prevail here, but we're all getting a bit professional now.
Fuckkit and roller derby? I think you may have found her vocation.
IDV- How thoughtful. Cheep to run is for me, the Cinquecento I think.
Corpsy- Glad you removed the second version. I found the first baffling enough.
April. No one asked you, but you're right.
FT- I forgot to mention on the 'funeral' post. As my sister and I approached the 7 toll, she said, "I've just seen Cymru spelt with a 'g'."
"Cymraig?" I guessed. " I think its Welsh for 'Welsh'."
"So the Welsh word for 'Welsh' is 'Cum-rag', seems appropriate."
Lee- Thanks, I regularily read your blog but haven't had enough time to comment recently.
Fuckkit- The land where a mullet can feel at home.
Phlegm- That attitude used to prevail here, but we're all getting a bit professional now.
Fuckkit and roller derby? I think you may have found her vocation.
IDV- How thoughtful. Cheep to run is for me, the Cinquecento I think.
Corpsy- Glad you removed the second version. I found the first baffling enough.
April. No one asked you, but you're right.
FT- I forgot to mention on the 'funeral' post. As my sister and I approached the 7 toll, she said, "I've just seen Cymru spelt with a 'g'."
"Cymraig?" I guessed. " I think its Welsh for 'Welsh'."
"So the Welsh word for 'Welsh' is 'Cum-rag', seems appropriate."
Lee- Thanks, I regularily read your blog but haven't had enough time to comment recently.
Am I right in saying there's also a welsh town called 'Cwm' or something? Apparently it's pronounced 'coom' but it's spelt like it should read 'quim' hehe. Simple things and simple minds, eh?
Your workplace just sounds hilarious. I love these stories.
32 posts. You're a star.
When are you gonna get a new hard drive Tickers? I'm bored. Muck's too busy doing important learning things and I've got no one to play with.
Muck- There are some funny names. 'Cwm' is pronounced 'cum' so 'Cwmsychan' is Cum-sucken.
Snooxe- It's very funny. 90% of the storys are meaningless to anyone outside the induatry, so I'm only revealing the iceberg tip.
April- 2 sides to blogging. Creative posting and the social. If you spend time on both as Fuckkit does you get to be popular. Sitting on the 'puter replying to each comment doubles the count. I'm missing the social side.
Fuckkit- I'm missing you too. You're so witty. I've given the tower to surfer dude, who's given it to his brother to fix. The brother is away for the weekend so it'll be next week before any progress is made.
Fluffy took Biker Girl and me to the car auctions tonight but no luck.
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