B logging
Recently, a guy at work tells me he's gone for a shit and been so proud of the product, he wipes his bum and puts the paper in the waste paper bin. Finding a piece of card and felt tip pen, he writes 'Record breaker', and places the card on the cistern. He then gets his 'phone out and photographs it. Blue tooths and mails it around the plant. The turd, he tells me is massive. As he's telling me, he does the 'fisherman's, one that got away hands' thing. If his indications are correct, we are talking, 10 inches by two!
Word gets around fast these days and before the shift is out, guys are coming from other departments to witness the 'monster'.
I asked to see the picture to back up his claim. He told me he deleted before his wife found it.
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Out last night with friends to Karaoke Karens show, in Abersychan. I'm having a piss and look up at the urinal cistern. Something frothy and brown has been seeping out from under the lid. Having done a bit of plumbing in my time, I can't imagine what this could be. What is more worrying, someone has taken the trouble to write their name in the gunge with their finger. Eww!
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Karen likes to have people like me at the show because I'll get up and sing before everyone else is drunk enough to have a go. I call my self her 'fluffer'.
Last night after singing four songs. 'Jilted John', 'Cool for Cats', 'Where do you go to my lovely' and 'Blueberry Hill' whilst every one else talked amongst themselves, a downs syndrome girl gets up and sings in the manor in which you might expect. I look around and she has everyone's attention. Undaunted she continues clearly enjoying herself. At the end she has massive appreciation and applause. A warm glow pervaded the pub after that.
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I have a new, second hand car. It didn't start this morning. Bollocks!
Word gets around fast these days and before the shift is out, guys are coming from other departments to witness the 'monster'.
I asked to see the picture to back up his claim. He told me he deleted before his wife found it.
------------------------------------------
Out last night with friends to Karaoke Karens show, in Abersychan. I'm having a piss and look up at the urinal cistern. Something frothy and brown has been seeping out from under the lid. Having done a bit of plumbing in my time, I can't imagine what this could be. What is more worrying, someone has taken the trouble to write their name in the gunge with their finger. Eww!
-----------------------------------------
Karen likes to have people like me at the show because I'll get up and sing before everyone else is drunk enough to have a go. I call my self her 'fluffer'.
Last night after singing four songs. 'Jilted John', 'Cool for Cats', 'Where do you go to my lovely' and 'Blueberry Hill' whilst every one else talked amongst themselves, a downs syndrome girl gets up and sings in the manor in which you might expect. I look around and she has everyone's attention. Undaunted she continues clearly enjoying herself. At the end she has massive appreciation and applause. A warm glow pervaded the pub after that.
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I have a new, second hand car. It didn't start this morning. Bollocks!
posted by Tickersoid at 3:39 PM
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34 Comments:
I admit, I've been amazed by what's come out of my ass at times, but your coworker's pride is something else. Too bad he deleted the photo and we didn't all get to judge.
The story about the Down's syndrome girl is great. It made me smile and I wasn't even there.
I've always found Down's syndrome folk entertaining.
And I've done some whopper poo's in my time.
They were entertaining too!
Snooze- I'm often amazed what people tell me goes into Piggys arse.
P&T- Yeh Yeh, show us the pictures.
On second thoughts, don't.
Perhaps that brown frothy stuff oozing out of the cistern was a result of your "Monster Turd" colleague at work hiding the aforementioned monster because it wouldn't flush?
Oh, what type of car did you get then?
Fuck fuck fuck! DeVice just beat me! Fucker!
Something not working? I refer you to the Nestle Waters Powwow Troubleshooting Guide;
Is it plugged in and switched on?
No
Plug it in a switch it on, fuckwit.
Yes
Call customer service and verbally abuse whoever you get through to as it is quite obviously their fault your car wont start, you've got the shits, your spouse left you for a Turkish waiter and the neighbours cat dug up your garden again.
I so don't want to go to work tomorrow.
that's a nice story about the singer and the applause.
*blithely walks out, ignoring all the pooh talk*
I would love to see you doing the Karoke thing tickers. I bet you're very entertaining.
ahhh,
the story of S#$Ts and giggles!
...and the one that got away!
;]
Someone needs to tell the bandit pooper that no one believes turd size is a correlation to penis size.
I'd like to hear you karaoke "On the Top of the World" - I'll bet you're an adorable karaoke fluffer. Love the sweet story about the girl singing her heart out - good for her, and good for everyone privileged to see that.
Sorry your new old car is acting up. I still think you're wonderful.
Fuckkit: Ha!
Why is Collector Of Ideas replying to our comments? Too lazy to do it yourself, Tickers?
Maybe Collecter Of Ideas and Tickersoid are the same person? Have you ever seen them in the same room together?
Can we spell schizophrenia?
Very clever, B logging.
I like those toilets in Holland where you poo into a dip for inspection before you flush it away down the U bend. The Dutch and Germans are very poo obssesed.
Fuckkit- There there, just think of Oz, and have take cake. Unusually I had cake today, I was celebrating the normalisation of my cholesterol.
Biker- Good comment and what a great night. I think Carry-Anne wished she'd come.
Kyah- I can sing and dance, after a fashion. Unfortunately, I can't do both at the same time.
Star- Hi, I was going to check out your blog but I couldn't guess which one of the eleven I should choose.
Phlegm- Well actually 'turd man' does alright in the dick dept' as well, but we've seen that before.
It occured to me that perhaps I'm no better a singer (I'm definately not great) than the girl. My greatest talent is not careing too much if it all goes horribly wrong.
Thanks about the car, It'll be fixed on Wednesday.
IDV & Fuckkit- I was using Collectors computer but cocked the ID up.
frobe- It occured to me today that Bog Logging might have been better.
'Turd man' must be responding to our recent Dutch takeover.
Dog- I'll tell some stories about 'Gumpy' then.
Where have you been.
Update- The MIcra has been saved from the crusher as I've found it a retirement home.
The Skoda is booked in at the garage for Wednesday.
No news on the Hard drive front.
I'm Tickersoid, just incase I screw up the ID again.
I don't care who you are! You're not screwing me...
Oops. Not me. No 'V'.
My ex-husband once called me into the bathroom to show me a turd that made a complete ring around the bowl without breaking. He was quite the shitter.
Loved the karaoke story. Anyone who sings boldly without fear has my admiration.
Biker Girl was round mine earlier. I'm somewhat intimidated by her.
*runs away and hides*
Two 'Eww!' stories and one that warmed my cockles.
And it takes a lot to warm them, I can tell you.
Hey, when you deal with kids, you deal with turds everyday! I am the turdmaster!
Nothing like a little dooky to start your day off!
Hey Tick Tick Tick Tick BOOM! I'll prove to your readers my shite story was true and wasn't a one off. WATCH THIS SPACE!!! I AM PREMIERSHIP MATERIAL
ps. it may take a week or two to store my meals up.
God, I wanted to say something funny--but that shit story made me really sick:(
I once passed out doing a poo.
Wasn't a pretty picture.
I think it's called 'vagal manouevres'.
Is that even the right spelling? Probably not but who gives a shit?
IDV- You should be lucky. I suspect you're too etherial to get laid.
Shandi- So your ex was an artist as well.
I only fear situations where I might get 'f*cked over'.
Fuckkit- She's a sweetheart really, just don't dis' Elvis or Green Day.
Lee- Cockle warming is my speciality.
Xtasy- I rememeber those days well. Happy days but wouldn't want to go through it again.
Anon- Judging by your turn of phrase, you are the genuine 'turd man'. We won't hold our breath, well, not until you produce the goods. Then we'll probably hold our breath for quite some time.
Cezi- Sorry to have induced nausia. Just concentrate on the cute down's girl story.
Andi- I've not heard of that. Passing out as it passes out.
I wouldnt dare!
who takes a picture of their crap w. their cellphone???
that's just odd...
hi :-)
tell us a story tickers!
I saw a fully grown man today having a slash with his trousers and pants around his ankles.
TICKERS!!!!!!!!!
I need fresh meat to knosh!
Post something damnit!
(& change my link from BB to GG!)
Good God, man. Get a new hard drive already!
I've decided to take the 'ethereal' comment as, well, a comment. Thanks!
Abersychan, centre of the universe.
Top Tip. The chippy at the top of the hill does mushy pea fritters. Worth knowing.
Frothy poo is most entertaining. It makes a mess of the bog but your bottom never needs much cleaning up. It's my favourite kind.
ps. hello collector of ideas. Gald to see someone pays attention to my poo superiority. I like you :)
That fact that you haven't posted since forever makes me feel less bad about Blog Neglect.
More sad is that fact that I was feeling bad about it in the first place.
I'll be glad when you're posting again - glad to see it's just a computer issue that's keeping you away.
Fuckkit- Wise words.
Brianne- Ahh the inocence of youth.
FnQ- So few women appreciate the true nature of men and vice versa.
Kyah- I know I'll just have to post a few snippets before I loose my readers.
McG- Is there another way?
Dogma- I thought you were a colleague after your first post and then it dawned on my who you are. Yes I have missed you. Welcome back. I'll visit as soon as I get my 'puter up and running.
IDV- Well I thought Surfer Dudes brother was away for the weekend but it turned out he was away for the week. If I don't have any luck in the next few days, I'll just buy a new tower.
FT- I may thry that as I've not had much luck with the chips in Pantymonywm.
Yes but frothy poo in the URINAL cistern????. It was the same last Saturday night but the writing had changed. My favourite poo, is the type that comes in a skin like a sausage. No wiping necessary.
Oh and Collector of Ideas is me. I borrowed hia 'puter and cocked up the ID.
Fuckkit- Blogging isn't sad, It ROCKS!!!!..........In a nerdy sort of way.
Phlegm- Haven't got time for a propper story so I'll put in a few snippets for now.
Yeah it rocks, all the cool kids are blogging.
And I'm this far from chipping in to buy you a new hard drive myself.
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