i> Away With The Fairies.: Girls Aloud

Friday, May 19, 2006

Girls Aloud

Which is the odd one out?
Which of these five girls, just scraped in by the skin of her teeth, based on singing talent?
Which one dances with less thrust and sway, self consciously, glancing at the monitor to see how dorky she looks?
The ginger one with the big nose, bow legs and too many freckles.


So why is it, I cant remember what the others look like? Why do I always want the camera to pick her out more on TV? Why is she so fascinating?

I thought it was just me again.

Last night at work we were discussing the joy that would come of being slowly dunked into a steaming hot vat of freshly buttered 'Pussy Cat Dolls'. When someone said, "or Girls Aloud."
Suddenly every one was saying how sexy Nicola was.
I checked this out with the guys in the laboratory, same result. Nicola's the sexy one.

Sexy? I think not. Fascinating? Yes.

Just look at her (far left) in the picture. Look at the body language. No pout or flash of teeth, even balance of the hips, no thrust. It's as if she's posing for a photo taken by her aunt.

So is it her seeming attainability? The girl next door thing.
Possibly, but I don't think so.
It can't be her dancing. I mean Sophie Ellis Bexter can't dance, but her dancing is confident and sexy in a minimalist kind of way. Nicola looks like she's only just learned the moves and is merely consolidating the order in her mind.

Part of it I think is the look. The others are so perfect they could never be truly attractive. All samey.
I despair sometimes at young American teenagers, all tweaking themselves with surgery to look like a young Farah Fawcett. That perfect, but oh so bland look.
British advertisers get it. Just look at their models and actresses. Big noses. (noses are the best feature to have a flaw in because they count for so little in the overall look) short upper lip, like Cameron Diaz.
You have to have some flaw to be sexy.
Take Michael Strachan. Guys think she's really cute, and yet her face looks like a caricature.

There is one other aspect to Nicola's allure.

Vulnerability. I just want to give her a big hug and tell her it's OK she can do it.
Now I've found out she's fine as it is. Keep on looking like you're a checkout girl who's won the chance to perform with her favorite girl band in a glossy magazine competition. Guys love it. Makes them think if they dated you, they would feel more manly.

Tell me. Are you as surprised by this as I am?

On a different note, but equally surprising.
Following my 'Bum Shag' post. A quick straw poll last night revealed that a majority of those willing to comment, said they'd not tried it but yes, were up for it.
We're talking butch steel workers here.
So maybe you'd better be getting the 'Bend Over Boyfriend' DVD, to please your man.
If you try it out and 'tool up' for the job, one word.



Blogger jungle jane said...

My favorite post by you ever! I think the ginger one is quite cute, although if i had to line them up and do them one by one she would be second in line.

i especially love how you can see the blonde's snatch in the picture...

5:22 AM  
Blogger jungle jane said...

oh ja. YAYAYAYAYAYAY motherfuckers i was FIRST!

5:23 AM  
Blogger jungle jane said...

and second....

5:23 AM  
Blogger Pixie Sprinkle said...

christ it's hard to get a word in egdeways around here...

5:24 AM  
Blogger awaiting said...

At first glance, she looks out of place. Like a good girl, who regularly tries to get the others to stop their partying ways. She seems approachable, likable, and down to earth....not like she would be materialistic and to talk to her you better have a fat wallet and a fancy car. She actually reminds me of a girl I went to school with....pretty beyond all means yet, the softest and kindest voice you ever heard...never anything bad to say about anyone or anything.

6:12 AM  
Blogger awaiting said...

Oh yeah, know this sounds strange, but she looks more European, British, than the other girls...they look like carbon copies of most women I see here.

6:13 AM  
Blogger Snooze said...

She looks like the ugly step sister. I think you're right about the appeal of vulnerability.

6:47 AM  
Blogger Fuckkit said...

Ah they all look the fucking same to me.

I may not have been first but I still beat IDV. Then again I am in the future now.

6:53 AM  
Blogger Fewclewz said...

One assumes that these fair wnches comprise some sort of act? True, one is able to conceive of them able to be highly entertaining, in a filthy, perverted kind of way, like the ladies in Panama City perhaps, where dancing was of very little importance!
Oh youth, where are you now?

6:58 AM  
Blogger Fewclewz said...

Fuckit, I meant wenches!

6:58 AM  
Blogger Qenny said...

Great post - excellent insight into the straight male psyche.

I definitely think attainability comes into it. The others are too far out of the average man's league, and besides, they give the impression they would be way too demanding and self-centred. Nicola looks like she would be a normal, real person.

And I so agree about everyone needing a flaw. I'm perfect in every way, except for my lack of modesty; and without that one flaw, it would all be for naught.

9:14 AM  
Blogger Tickersoid said...

Jane- I see what you mean about the blond one, brazen hussy! So which one would you do first?
Oh and yay you, and third.

Pixie- Sorry Pixie, it's your mum, gob like the Dartford Tunnel, she has.

Xtasy- I think you're exactly right, and I know what you mean by more European. You're going for the approachability factor.

Snooze- Ugly step sister! She's not the prettiest, but that's a bit strong, innit?

Fuckkit- You're right. All the same to me too. Perhaps they should get outrageous tattoo's and peircings, or wear proper clothes that don't make you wonder what sort of garments they actually are.
Is the middle one wearing a small skirt around her boobs?

Fewclewz- They were winners of a 'find a band' reality TV show over here. Very popular with the pinks I hear. The musics quite good, if you like that sort of thing.
Tell me more about Panama City.
Does it involve wet-wipes?

Quenny- Ironically they are probably all fairly unattainable, because of their job and busy schedule.
It all depends wether we judge her by celeb' or reality standards.
The Fabulouse Karaoke Karen, used to bemoan the difficuty of attracting a man because, even as a humble caberet singer, men found her too glamourous to be unaproachable. She is infact, very sweet and aproachable.
I'm sure when you're 'doing the circuit' men feel the same, what with you being so perfectly imperfect and hitched and all.

10:49 AM  
Blogger Fewclewz said...

Ah, Panama City, sweaty nights, cheap grog, tables with long white table clothes which shielded the activities of the bar employees, while they pleasured the clientele who had no need to put down their beer! Unspeakable (in polite society) acts on stage, and no closing time. We were young and bullet proof, although on the odd occasion some of us did succumb to certain..........social diseases,
however, it was a small price to pay for such an education!

12:07 PM  
Blogger Snooze said...

I don't mean that she's ugly, but compared to the rest, I think that Nicola does look like the 'plain' sister.

12:12 PM  
Blogger phlegmfatale said...

...for some reason I was thinking fewclewz' Panama City description would involve banana-shooting skills. But I'm thinking of Pnomh Penh, aren't I?

I agree that Nicola is the sexiest one. I don't get the trend of the plasticization of a beauty standard, and I do think blame should rest soundly at the doorstep of Hollywood. What's exciting about a vapid blinking automaton who always wanted to be a horticulturalist because she's very good with children? There's also probably a subconscious fear that in lieu of a proper fanny you'd find a Barbie-crotch with "Made in Taiwan" embossed thereupon. But I'm picking on Asia, aren't I?

12:47 PM  
Blogger phlegmfatale said...

oh, and plus Nicola appears to be the only one with a skin-tone actually found in nature.

12:50 PM  
Blogger BEAST said...

I notice she has dyed her ginger tresses to a murky brown , I hope she has paid similar attention to the other end....matchin collar and cuffs...its the only way

1:14 PM  
Blogger Tickersoid said...

Fewclewz- My what a colourful life you've led. My Idea of a good time at that age was going down to the cross roads to watch the traffic lights change.

Snooze- Yes she does.

Phlegm- The 'barbie crotch' and skin things, brilliant.

Beast- Attention to detail. Is it your forte?

6:46 PM  
Blogger frobisher said...

I think people find true beauty somewhat intimidating, thats why someone with a slight flaw or average looks can come out on top. I think we can all get tounge-tied and awkward in the presence stunning looks.

6:58 PM  
Blogger Lippy said...

Is this the boy version of going to see King Arthur because you fancy Clive Owen and coming out with the hots for Ray Winstone???

Or is it more like that other imponderable - why doesn't anybody male (apart from Becks) fancy Posh?

7:31 PM  
Blogger Kyahgirl said...

Hiya Tickers. You never disappoint me.

Jungle Jane-you must have been examining that photo with a magnifying glass, good catch!

I can't work up the energy to have an opinion about who is better looking. They are all nice looking but that means squat. If people open their mouths and sound cruel, stupid, or disrespectful, they suddenly become quite ugly.

Very interesting tidbit about the male 'secret' sexual desire. I'll tuck that one away in case I ever have a future where there is a different man in my bed (hope not, but one never knows what life will throw at you!)

9:03 PM  
Blogger Tickersoid said...

Now, I thought I was quite sober at the time of typing this reply, but having just sparked up a cigarette by the filter and seen it burst into flames like a KKK torch, I'm having my doubts.
I'm so impressed with everyones comments. So insightfull. Well, except for Fewclewz, but then he makes up for it with his delightful turn of phrase and alternative perspective.

Frobe- You're spot on of course, but you'd think 'celebrity judgement' would be more critical. It isn't. She started out as the liability, the tail end Charlie, and now she's the bloody star. The band would be hollow without her.

Lippy- Good point, you may well be right. As for the Posh Spice thing, A lot of guys, including me, fancied her when she was part of the SG's. Since then she's proved she has the imagination of a caravan site. She's also so bloody irritating. Gone right off her. I almost feel sorry for 'Becks'.

Kyah- Beloved Mother Hen. Maybe you're not qualified to assess the attractiveness of these girls.
Here in Blighty we're very disrespectful of our celeb's. If they laugh along with our snipes, we love them back, more so perhaps. You wouldn't think Donny Osmond would get our humour but he does. Even my daughter Fluffy thinks he's cool, and just a little bit tasty.

Donny Osmond, for christs sake!

But he is cool. I have to doff my hat to the guy.

I also have to respect you for being the first to comment on my tail piece.

12:58 AM  
Blogger Fewclewz said...

Tickers, everybody knows you never try to chat the prettiest girl in the room - she's always the one who thinks that the sun shines out of her arsehole, and that her shit don't stink!

2:59 AM  
Blogger Fewclewz said...

Pardon me for bringing the conversation back down to my own level....I get headaches when long words are used too often!

3:00 AM  
Blogger Kyahgirl said...

blimey tickers, what makes me unqualified?

- heterosexual married woman?
- too nice Canadian?
- boring old fart?

4:49 AM  
Blogger Tickersoid said...

Fewclewz- Good point. I've met some very charming hotties, but I know exacly what you mean. They usually end up with someone who's main motivation for being attracted to them is status.
I used to get a headach with long words until I found if you type 'define' infront of a word in 'google' the Web definition comes up.

Kyah- It's only your hetrosexuality. Nothing wrong with being nice. You have so much more impact when you do use a rude word.
Definately not boring.

7:56 AM  
Blogger Inexplicable DeVice said...


Heads up, Tickers!


CRASH! tinkle...

Shit! Who'd've thought a butterfly cake could penetrate the roof of a Skoda Felicia. All be it at 180mph! Sorry...

1:12 PM  
Blogger Tickersoid said...

Was going on? There's food dropping out of the sky all over the bloggosphere.

Bloody IDV again.

Where's Fuckkit when you need her, Bloody Austrailia.

2:24 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think you'll find that it's Micheala Strachan and I don't find any of them remotely attractive. The only one that I liked out the Spice Girls was Baby Spice. Give me a woman with some bloody meat on her ... especially tits please.

8:39 PM  
Blogger collector of ideas said...

It seems as though you are now going down the 'I have eventually found that computers are for porn' route again, I dont know if this is a good or bad thing!

10:33 PM  
Blogger Kyahgirl said...

Hi again, well I guess that's ok then.
You know, women always check other women out, regardless of sexual persuasion. Its just that these girls are so young, it just seems uninteresting somehow. They might as well be blow up dolls.

1:57 AM  
Blogger Tickersoid said...

Convict- I've visited your blog on a regular basis and got the impression you'd been a victim of motorcyclists hated, 'sorry mate, didn't see you' syndrome.
You're not the only one with that kind of taste. Men vary. I can think of at least two guys with that point of view.

-Collector- Nope, haven't visited porn for some time. Well only for comedic purposes.

Kyah- I used to wonder, when I was a boy, why womens magazines had pictures of other women on the front cover.
Here in Wales, we don't respond to blow up dolls.
Unless of course the're inflatable rubber, vibrating sheep.

4:44 AM  
Blogger Lippy said...

Ah well if TB goes off me there's potentially Convict + 2 to rely on!

8:59 PM  
Blogger jungle jane said...

Large tits are overrated

10:02 PM  
Blogger Tickersoid said...

Lippy- There will always be a demand for massive mammeries, even if the likes of Jordon and Sam Fox do have their 'knockers'.

Jane- If only there could be a kind of 'breast pool' from which ladies could draw apon according to their requirements at the time.

This thought, made me wonder, what it'd be like to accidently fall into such a pool.

11:38 PM  
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