i> Away With The Fairies.: It was a Dark and Stormy Night.

Friday, May 12, 2006

It was a Dark and Stormy Night.

'Voice of Reason', has a penchant for big cars. My first glimpse of him was in 1986.
whilst driving through the steel works, I was intrigued to see a hearse, apparently being driven by one of the 'Blues Brothers', coming in the opposite direction.

Voice is a master story teller. This is one such tale, from the hearse era.

15th of October, 1987. The night of the 'Great Storm.'

'Voice' and mate 'Mohican', had taken the hearse to England on a fishing trip.
Storms don't usually deter most anglers but this time, trees had started to crash around them. It was getting dark, when they began to weave their way home through the Cotswolds.
The strong winds were buffeting the slab sided hearse. The road was strewn with branches. Leaves and debris tumbled down the road. Steel panels clanged alarmingly.
Thunder, rumbling menacingly, closed in behind them.
Lightning illuminated the angered trees, as they swirled and danced in the relentless winds.

They were starting to hunger, but all was shuttered or closed until, to their delight and surprise, they encountered a petrol station, its kiosk alight with life.

In the midst of Armageddon, the hearse glides through running water, up to the building.
The two men alight, bent in submission to the elements, clasping their clothing

'Voice' in homberg, wraparound mirror shades and full length fishing coat,
'Mohican' with green hair, piercings and tattoos.

The storm, now upon them, cracks thunder and lightning as they enter the shop, dripping with rain.
They stop to take in the contrasting, relative calm, and straighten to their full height.
The door slowly closes out the white noise of the driving rain.

Behind the counter, a young man, wearing a 'Save the Whale' 'T' shirt, who looked like he might knit his own muesli,

raises both hands in surrender.


Blogger Snooze said...

Heehheee - can't say I blame the clerk

6:23 PM  
Blogger Lippy said...

OH bless him!
Tick you can spin a yarn that is for sure!

6:32 PM  
Blogger Kyahgirl said...

I would have loved to seen that!
Have a great weekend Tickers.

9:32 PM  
Blogger Fewclewz said...

Ah....Those fun filled, Balmy English Summer evenings, I remember them well.......

10:53 PM  
Blogger Tickersoid said...

Snooze- when 'Voice' told the story, he said he was quite impressed by 'save the whale guy', 'cos he did it as a gag.

Lippy- We're becomming quite a mutual admiration duo.

Kyah-Thanks, and yourself. This story doesn't have a good punch line, it's all about the imagery.

Fewcewz- Yeh, no change there then.
Oh and welcome to Tickertime.

12:36 AM  
Blogger Tickersoid said...

Bollox, missed out the 'l' in 'fewclewz'.

12:37 AM  
Blogger awaiting said...

I smell a book deal soon. You are so talented and skilled at the art of storytelling. There is no day I can translate everyday happenings in such a fashion as you!

12:48 AM  
Blogger Pixie Sprinkle said...

I am sure you can scare people in the Skoda if you tried Tickers. Just point to all that dog fur sticking out the exhaust pipe.

9:57 AM  
Blogger funny thing said...

I bet a hearse is a great form of transport!

My mum used to have an estate car and hated it because you could never leave anything in the back for fear of getting broken into.
Bet no one would break in to the back of a hearse...

Must get one.

12:12 PM  
Blogger Tickersoid said...

Xtasy- Why thank you. I don't think I have the patience for a book. I'd like to formulate a novel story line though. That would be a challenge.

Pixie- Shhhhhhhh. No ones noticed the poodles are missing yet.

Funny Thing- Not only stylish, but handy when you fatally run over someone.

4:41 PM  
Blogger phlegmfatale said...

Well, the Cotswolds ARE known for bizarre phenomena, aren't they? Great story!

5:26 PM  
Blogger jungle jane said...

I think there should be a Michael Fish national holiday declared on 15 October...

12:23 AM  
Blogger Qenny said...

Is this something that happened, or have I just read a trailer for a movie that I'd probably enjoy? :)

8:28 PM  
Blogger Tickersoid said...

Phlegm- They are indeed. Thanks for the compliment.

J. Jane- Yes, we could all wear 'sou'westers' and carry pointy sticks.

Qenny- Sound's good dunit. 'Voice' really is an outstanding story teller, you should hear his 'Fried Gonads' tale. Unfortunately, that is still the subject of ongoing legal proceedings.

9:06 PM  
Blogger Tickersoid said...

For those of you who complained, I've lightened the red text and sorted out the link problem.

9:08 PM  
Blogger Fewclewz said...

It's fuckin PINK now, you twat!

10:44 PM  
Blogger phlegmfatale said...

There used to be a fabulous band in Dallas called the Loco Gringos, and they showed up to gigs with all their equipment in a hearse. They were a fun pack of guys. They achieved demigod status in the Texas post-punk scene, but the singer died tragically and the whole thing fizzled, before the rest of the world caught on. But for a brief shining moment, my heart thrilled to the sight of that wacky hearse rolling down the avenue.

6:16 AM  
Blogger Fuckkit said...

Tis a bit pink. Is you a bit gay or summat, Tickers? :P

10:39 AM  
Blogger jungle jane said...

Yes i'm with fuckkit and Fewclewz - you have definitely used vagina font.

it's nice, but.

11:55 AM  
Blogger Tickersoid said...

Fewclewz- Who are you calling a twat? Cunt.

Phlegm- When anyone dies it's a tragedy. When an up and commming talent dies, doubly so.
Still the hearse would have come in handy.

Fuckkit & Jane- How about this colour?
Sheesh, eveyones a critic.

8:05 PM  
Blogger Inexplicable DeVice said...

Well, twat/cuntery aside, I like the red/pink. And the hearse.

I think I'd like to meet Voice and his associate on a dark night too!

10:05 PM  
Blogger Fewclewz said...

Ats mush bedda.
Yew rekin yew can get the Plastic Pig in the Hearse? It's as dead as it's ever gonna get! You can use the PP as a coffin too - take the wheels orft an it's just about the right fuckin shape! probably lighter too!

12:03 AM  
Blogger Tickersoid said...

IDV- That's the one thing the story's missing, an appearance by a whorelock.

Fewclewz- The plastic pig is the subject of an enngine rebuild.
Which is another way of saying 'I've taken it apart and can't be arsed putting it back together.'

1:31 AM  
Blogger phlegmfatale said...

That's better than having to say "i've taken it apart and put it back together, but now I've got these few pieces left over..."

8:34 AM  
Blogger Qenny said...

Fried gonads? I wonder if Fuckkit is eating them from the kebab houses. I fried mine once with Immac. I suppose these days it would be Veet. Still, it didn't stop me pulling the man who is now my Lovely Husband™, so it wasn't all bad. I suppose it helped that I was wearing a kilt that night.

8:56 AM  
Blogger Fewclewz said...

I've never had the pleasure of frying my gonads, however I did once manage to get them tangled up in an electric drill! Fortunately for me, my shaft twisted around the , well.....shaft like a fucking twizzle stick! Black and Blue for weeks.
Also had the pleasure of having penile warts burned off me whidger with an electric needle iron......but that's another story

9:09 AM  
Blogger jungle jane said...

Jesus Fewclewz. I reckon your Penile Warts should start their own blog and have their story told...go on - i will find you a nice profile picture to go with it...:-)

3:00 PM  
Blogger Tickersoid said...

Phlegm- I'll say that for myself, I never have anything left over.

qenny- I used to wear a kilt as part of my school uniform. Didn't try the imac thing but did use 'deep heat'. It gives you a kind of warm glow.

Fewclewz- Did you have to explain that down at A&E. Did they say, 'yeh right'.

Jane- Good Idea, they could all have different names and characters and it could be like a soap opera.

3:46 PM  
Blogger Inexplicable DeVice said...

Tickers, I've told you before about your atrocious spelling of 'warlock'. Anyone would think you're trying to imply something...


7:15 PM  
Blogger Karen Little said...

BAhahahHAAAA! I would've taken advantage and demanded some free tofu... Enough to fill the back of the hearse at least :)

7:16 PM  
Blogger turboslut said...

Fried gonads. You paint such pretty pictures. My poor fragile mind.

8:07 PM  
Blogger Kyahgirl said...

now I'm quite interested in Qenny's remark, after learning this weekend that lots of men like to get their naughty bits waxed!

8:45 PM  
Blogger Tickersoid said...

IDV- Sorry, I think I was 'wrong footed' by this rather fetching 'Freudian slip' I wear when I'm blogging.

Karen- Tofu, It's food Jim but not as we know it.

Turbo- Fear not, 'fried' was the sensationalist word used by the 'Sun' newspaper, to describe an incident involving a tussle with an assailant, armed with a 'Stun Gun'.

Kyah- Your new to the 'Back, Crack and Sack' phenomena then?

11:27 PM  
Blogger Kyahgirl said...

you know Tickers, that's what I like about you. Nothing phases you and you're just a fount of information.
I haven't heard that phrase before but I'll tuck it away in my noggin. Thanks buddy. :-)

3:50 AM  
Blogger Fewclewz said...

Come Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras in Sydney in February, the waxers in the Paddington area are as flat as shit carter's hats, trying to get all the "moss" off! All the Queens want to look their best for the all night party and fuckathon after the Parade. I beleive that you have to book for a wax about 12 mnths in advance if you want it in time to be of any use to you for the Mardi Gras!
I never tried deep heat on the goolies but I was talked into plying them with a very potent potion designed for use against scabies. Now I have to tell you that shit FUCKIN TICKLED! I was just quick enough to drop me dangly bits in a sink full of cold water, before the fuckers (no pun intended) burned off at the root (Geddit)

5:13 AM  
Blogger phlegmfatale said...

back, crack and sack? Wow - I never noticed that one entering the lexicon, but I can't wait to use it in conversation.

7:26 AM  
Blogger Tickersoid said...

Kyah- Thank you. This is public information blogging.

Fewclewz- You're truely a man of the world and very funny with it.

Do you come from a comedic family?

Phlegm- I didn't know what a lexicon was so I googled it.
Web's defines it as,
'a linguistic tool with information about the morphological variations and gramatical usage of words'.

None the wiser, so looked up, 'morphological'.

'Pertaining to morphemes'.

Ho Hum. Still in the dark.
Looked up, 'morphemes'.

'morphemes are the smallest units of language that carry meaning. A word may contain one or more morphemes'.

I ought to be much better educated by now but I'm starting to loose the will to live.

Still, on the upside, I can rest in the knowlege that I've spread, 'Back Crack and Sack' further than a family sized tub of 'Immac'.

9:17 AM  
Blogger Fewclewz said...

Do I come from a comedic family?
I'd have to say Nah! Strange, bordering on satanic perhaps but we are definitely not funny - unless you are thinking......Funny, know wot I mean?
I thort morphing was wen the Power Rangers became metal fighting machines??? I know, I know, I'm as thick as dog shite - Karn't help it, I came from a dislexic family, nah that's not it, dysfunctional.
And I wouldn't cross the road to see any of my cousins.

9:41 AM  
Blogger phlegmfatale said...

kyah - nothing phases tick execept multiple trips to the linguistic watering hole of the dictionary. still, he's clever and adorable - we should keep him around.

4:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh I remember that storm. Was walking home and i was blown across the road. By the wind. felt like flying, so I loved it. Scared the shit out of my childminder though.

5:18 PM  
Blogger Kyahgirl said...

phlegmfatale-I totally agree. lets keep him but please, take the dictionary away before he kills himself!

8:47 PM  
Blogger Fewclewz said...

By the by, perleeze excuse my ignorance but what exactly is the A&E?????? Some sort of Government Behavioural Correctional Department??

11:50 PM  
Blogger Fuckkit said...

A&E = Accident and Emergency. The place you go to explain why you have three barbie dolls and a small hamster inserted up your rectum and ask them nicely to remove it after hanging around in the waiting room for a minimum for 4 hours.

And no, thats not the voice of experience.

Its not!

9:55 AM  
Blogger Tickersoid said...

Muck- It's great to reminise.

Now get back to that dissertation!

Good to hear from you again.

Phlegm- You can see now why I used to come last in English.

Fewclewz- What Fuckkit said, or it could be because you have the vacuum cleaner tube sticking out of your flies.
Yes, I know, we've all been there.

Yeay, Fuckkits back, good to hear from you again

12:34 PM  
Blogger phlegmfatale said...

I think there's nothing wrong with your English. Perhaps I should refrain from using three dollar words that addle your sweet wits.

3:01 PM  
Blogger Tickersoid said...

Or perhaps I should buy a lexicon.

5:39 PM  
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1:51 PM  

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