How do you know if they're faking it?
"Chicks know how fragile our egos are, they don't like to upset us, of course a lot are going to fake it. It's not necessarily that they don't like the sex and want to get it over with, although I dare say that happens a lot, it's a kind of.......Politeness'.....Like belching after a meal in some cultures." A wry smile crossed 'Voice of Reason's lips and his head nodded sideways lightly, the way it does every time one of his significant statements is about to be revealed.
"One way of telling when a woman is faking.."
"Go on" He has my full attention.
"When they're having one of those OMG! orgasms that make them think they'd deny all of the mans infidelitys just to feel like this on a regular basis."
"Yes."
"They don't look.......or sound.......very pretty."
I contemplate this for a few seconds before a smile of recognition spreads across my face.
"Yes." I nod.
You see the lady who looks like she's just making a final attempt to lift a heavy suit case onto an overhead rack?................. I'll have what she's having.
The word is out Sally. You'll have to revise your technique.
posted by Tickersoid at 7:57 AM
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22 Comments:
Why do women fake orgasms?
They think that we care.
canute - that's horrid! Women care whether blokes come or not, there is nothing more guarenteed to make you feel terrible than one who doesn't.
ticks - why do you think everyone likes spoons so much???
Love it, and so, so true. Interestingly, I find all men absolutely adorable when they reach orgasm. They look so sincere.
The only time I ever fake it is if Mr T has had one drink too many. If I don't we could be there all night. I am very lucky though, as he knows how to please me. Personally, I don't see the point in faking. If i'm not 'feeling it' I always make sure he does. Aren't I a good wife, lol ;)
Canute- Only true in a few cases but funny none the less.
Lippy- There are many reasons why a guy may not ejaculate. You shouldn't take it personally.
Im confused about the spoons. Are we talking about a cuddling position or some kind of Jizz removal tool?
Snooze- It was of course, one of your posts, that inspired this one.
For many men the moment of orgasm may be the only time they're sincere:-)
Runemeister- I've always found the grunting and girning quite flattering. Unfortunately it's been a very long time since I induced that kind of euphoria. Like Snooze, I've also found myself making noises and facial expressions I'm not proud of;-)
Turboslut- I feel people are a little obsessed with orgasms. In a long term relationship there will probably be many occasions where sex is initiated, but one or both partners don't feel like cumming. That should be accepted as normal.
Maybe it's just me then.
I am kinda holla-n like turbo-sometimes its worth it to say-hang on I'll be right there-and sometimes I just can't stop my MIND enough to relax/enjoy so I am like-don't worry about me, just get yourself there so I can go eat some ice cream. Well-its not AS ummm, heartless as that sounded.
**I finally effing added you as a link, dude! Abt damn time, wouldn;t you say?!?
Well shagging rather than cuddling position - popular because , dick hits g spot therefore good orgasm and no one can see how terrible you look while it's happening!
~d- Thats OK as long as you don't ask him, seconds before launches into extasy, if he thinks there's still some ice cream in the freezer.
Thanks for the link.
Lippy-I'm with you now. You look forward to spooning during sex, whilst ~d does it after.
Years and years ago I read a book called "Everything you wanted to know about Sex but were afraid to ask" Written by a couple of doctors who tried to give all the technical details. Anyway, they said that it is impossible for a woman's nipples to Not become erect during an orgasm.
Now you may go forth and try to collect data on that point whilst trying to enjoy all other aspects of the experience. Good luck. :-)
(report back to us will you?)
p.s. here is a link to the right doctor (there was a famous Woody Allen spoof on the book that might muddy the waters.) Gawd I'm old!
Heh heh heh...honey?
HONEY! do we
(hair falls onto his cheek, his neck-lips brush against his ear-body writhing "honey, do we have any...(is she going to ask for a condom? Does she need lube?) do we have any ice cream? AhhhhhAHHh OOHHHHhhhh!!!!!!!)
"do we have any ice cream? AhhhhhAHHh OOHHHHhhhh!!!!!!!)"
Would you like crushed nuts with your ice cream?
I have heard tales tall and true about girls who can even fake orgasmic muscle spasms.
Although, it seems like so much effort for so little return.
I don't have to fake...I have mastered the art of getting mine no matter what.
While discussing the poetry of Heinrich Heine in a college literature class, I made the leap that the hideous two-headed beast the Laocon (sp?) was the couple in a state of coitus, stating that a person in a sincerely passionate state generally looks pretty beastly. It sorta sucked the oxygen out of the room, but I think the non-shocked faction quite agreed with me. The dapper distinguised older professor cleared his throat and said I made a very good point.
German romantic poetry - it's all sex and death for those people.
Next I'll have the goal of using some form of the word "state" 4 times in a sentence...
Kyah- I think I was just a boy when that book came out. Don't think I'm going to detatch myself enough for a bit of nipple monitoring.
~d- It's the thought that counts.
Canute- That's funny! Don't you just hate it when someone tries to use an icecream sundae as lube.
You haven't?
OK, just me then.
Miss Haversham- I'm trying to fake staying awake during the afterglow.
Awaiting- Mastered the art? Does that involve starting 15 min's before him ;-)
Phlegmfatal- I applaud your courage.
During lulls in chat about 'string theory' or topology, the conversation at the steel works often turns to romantic German poetry......er,no...hang on, I've got that wrong.....sorry, I meant the size of Jordan's tits.
I've never seen When Harry Met Sally, although I do know what a fake female orgasm sounds like thanks to a woman called Sally. She used to fake the same one every night with her vile boyfriend in the first place I lived in London. Sometimes in the (communal) bathtub, which was through the wall from my study desk. After a few weeks, I could do it, too, in exactly the same way, as could the other housemates.
Qenny, that sounds awful.
Once for comic effect at work, I did the fake Sally orgasm whilst in the bog. This was when I heard someone come in to use the urinal. I followed it with the decleration,
'Theres nothing like a good shit is there?'
It means, using mental power. After all, its a mental thang.
That and I pretend he's someone else.
*don't tell*
I don't know what the point is in faking orgasms. If you're not getting your rocks off, it's time to put your shoes on and walk.
Awaiting and Jay- I have to confess, if I'm in a hurry, I fake it when masturbating:D
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