I Swing Both Ways.....Apparently.
Since I gave up smoking, drink has started to become a problem. Not in it's self. As long as I can afford it and still get to work, I don't see anything's wrong. It's the tendency I have, to talk total bollocks and email when pissed, that's the problem. Sunday mornings are the worst. I check out my 'sent items'. Cringe at some of the things I've typed. Sometimes I realise I've not only written total tosh but I've then sent it to the wrong person.
I ought to have a breathalyzer fitted to the computer. Can't log on unless the alcohol level is safe.
Saturday night. I've promised to take a lady home. Even though I didn't know she was moving on to a different pub, I still keep it. It's an unusually warm for a wet winters night and I don't mind. The uphill wander is pleasant.
"....but you sometimes like having sex with men right?" She muses on the way home.
This took me a little by surprise.
"No." I said. It was probably time I clarified things. Whilst I enjoy sexual ambiguity, I ought to explain to people I choose to hang out with.
"Even if the entire female population of the planed evaporated, I wouldn't have sex with men."
I'm guessing some rumor is circulating the village. It may have been fueled by my regularly answering the question,
"Are you gay?" with a flirtatious flick of the eyebrows and the reply, "I might be."
My Englishness is often interpreted in Wales as camp.
Later back with the girls at my local, Nutty, the lady next to me asks, ".....but you sometimes like having sex with men right?"
Twice in one night and with identical wording. Something going on. I put her right and resolve to investigate in the morning.
Sunday morning looking through the sent items, there is one to Nutty in which I sign off,
'Tickersoid the poof.'
I ought to have a breathalyzer fitted to the computer. Can't log on unless the alcohol level is safe.
Saturday night. I've promised to take a lady home. Even though I didn't know she was moving on to a different pub, I still keep it. It's an unusually warm for a wet winters night and I don't mind. The uphill wander is pleasant.
"....but you sometimes like having sex with men right?" She muses on the way home.
This took me a little by surprise.
"No." I said. It was probably time I clarified things. Whilst I enjoy sexual ambiguity, I ought to explain to people I choose to hang out with.
"Even if the entire female population of the planed evaporated, I wouldn't have sex with men."
I'm guessing some rumor is circulating the village. It may have been fueled by my regularly answering the question,
"Are you gay?" with a flirtatious flick of the eyebrows and the reply, "I might be."
My Englishness is often interpreted in Wales as camp.
Later back with the girls at my local, Nutty, the lady next to me asks, ".....but you sometimes like having sex with men right?"
Twice in one night and with identical wording. Something going on. I put her right and resolve to investigate in the morning.
Sunday morning looking through the sent items, there is one to Nutty in which I sign off,
'Tickersoid the poof.'
posted by Tickersoid at 7:25 AM
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21 Comments:
According to the latest government statistics there are now 2 gays in every Welsh village. So you've only got to find out who the other one is and you're sorted.
I mistook, my now close male friend, to be gay. I now realise he just knows how to talk to women, without all the matcho crap. So, Tick, it seems like you might be quite a catch for some lucky lady;)
I don't care. Poof or no poof, you rock no matter what.
And yeah, I'd do you.
Oh my! Did that just come out. Excuse me. Drinking in the middle of the day...not a good idea!
Convict is on to something. Out the other one to take some of the heat off.
Convict and I- There is only one openly gay man in the village. We know this because he drinks from a pint glass with the slogan, “The only gay in the village.” printed on the side. He and I are just good friends.
Turboslut-I’d like to believe you’re right. In truth, I suspect, although I don’t talk macho crap, I do talk crap. For instance, I remember last Saturday night Nutty trying to convince me to take her friend out for a drink. For some reason, I’m having none of it and instead I’m trying to organise us a girly night out. Don’t ask me to explain, I’ve no idea why. Must take more lemonade in my shandy.
Awaiting- That’s the nicest thing anyone’s said to me all week, especially coming from someone so eminently do-able. It’s also nice to know I’m not the only one who suffers from drink related ‘foot in mouth’ syndrome.
"He and I are just good friends", I'm sure Tazzy & Piggy told everyone that for a while.
The only reason I'd try and organise a girly night out is so I could have some peace and quiet at home.
You're definitely giving out mixed signals Ticks
Tickers, tickers . . . a lot of women have trouble with men being gay, the "he just hasn't found the right woman yet" syndrome (them being the right woman). Play on the confused angle, and they will immediately jump to the challenge. Never fails, you'll be beating them off with a stick!
(So the mud-wrestling invitation email you sent to me the other week was a joke? Bastard)
Convict- Luton is never quiet if you live on Kimpton Road.
Frobisher- "Beating them off with a stick." That sounds kinda kinky, I'll have to try it.
Don't feel bad about the mud wrestling, I was genuine about the naked twister.
Ooh I sympathize, I always blog and email drunk and regret it in the morning. About being called gay or bi, I reckon these ladies think of it as a positive attribute, I would play the sexual ambiguity card, it is probably quite a turn on for the Welsh lasses! And Frobisher's right, say "I am confused about my sexual identity" and watch them drop their drawers.
I'm not confused about my sexuality. I don't want them all dropping their draws with gay abandone. I'm looking for someone special.
After seeing the picture of Paris Hilton on Frobishers blog I think I now know how special.
theres special and then theres 'speshul'. ms hilton falls into the latter category.
on her back, with her legs spread and her dick waving in the breeze, apparently.
i'd do you if i were a guy.
wait...
no, i would.
Heehee I have the same problem...
Except I am abit gay. My left arm and right breast love the ladies... Girls, stand to my right otherwise you're fair game...
it must be very embarrassing sending emails to the wrong person. poor tickers....;-)
But you do sometimes like having sex with men ...right????
Perhaps you should change the profile now to 97% hetero and really get everyone speculating.
First Nations- If I wasn't sexually confused before, I am now.
Lady Muck- In Stropland, nothing is simple.
Jungle Jane- If you ever get a drunken email sent to you by mistake you'll know exactly how embarrasing it is.
mutleythedog- *Bangs head repeatedly on keyboard*
NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!
However, should you be able to direct me to a baby Gnu.....
Snooze- I'm not due for a sexuality audit for another six months so that'll have to wait.
You are in denial Mr T. - hopefully..
I always thought that you were gay as you had a spell on here writing lots about gay people, you are sending alot mixed signals. So your looking for the perfect miss right are you? I dont think you will find 1 very easy because no-body is perfect & I bet your not as well, hope you find some-one soon.
mutleythedog- I'm a bit too old to be in denial. If I were gay, I wouldn't have a problem with it. I'd just come out. Sexual ambiguety is much more fun.
darkangels100- I'm giving up on the search for miss right. I'm going to do all sorts of single guy things now.
I never thought you were gay at all. It's the ones who are freaked out about gayness that I suspect usually are.
Yes, Quinten Crisp discovered that.
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