i> Away With The Fairies.

Monday, March 05, 2007


One of the main advantages of living on your own, apart from almost unlimited access to your own genitals and the remote, which in effect means that, even if someone else were there, they wouldn’t want to use it, is being able to dismantle a combustion engine in your living room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Asked of the teenage girl training to mind the local convenience store,

“I’m guessing you don’t know if Diet Coke is as effective as regular Coke for washing down engines?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tickers paying for tickets,

“This Moscow State Circus is dear. For the same money, we could have driven to London and seen Harry Potter get his knob out.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Saturday karaoke night
.

One of two girls stood near by whilst I was strutting my funky bottom enquired of me,

“Excuse me for asking, but are you gay?”

“I might be” I replied, thinking I was enigmatic.

“Oh you’re gay alright, no straight guy could dance like that.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Karaoke night continued.

Tickers- “She just spanked my arse!”

Fellow drinker- “Don’t knock it, guys pay good money for that.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fellow drinker- “So they taped me up like a mummy to a plastic garden chair and proceeded to carry me up the concrete stairs to the car. On the way up one of the chair legs bloke and I fell on my head. You can just about still see the mark look. Anyway, they dumped me in the road way outside Tesco’s front entrance. The traffic was trying to make it’s way past so I started to shuffle, best I could, to one side when the other front leg bloke and I fell on the side of my face.”












14 Comments:

Blogger Tickersoid said...

Still having problems with this new fangles blogger thing. I've tried to get rid of the gap at the bottom but blogger says 'Error'.

10:34 PM  
Blogger FirstNations said...

ha! i have a sportster tank in my living room! ha ha! my fu is unbeatable!
or maybe not, but i still have a fricken motorcycle gas tank in my house.

*backs away from funky bottom*

11:33 PM  
Blogger BEAST said...

I do remember my sister in aw going completely mental when she opened the dish washer to find a large part of my brothers motorbike engine , glistening in there.....
My Bruv was heard muttering 'I dont know what the daft bat is moaning about , its lovely and clean .....now

12:02 AM  
Blogger Divian said...

tickers...so you mean to tell me you can dance? I can't. Although I can do a badass fall to the floor.

4:57 AM  
Blogger Tickersoid said...

First Nations- Autopart interior design. Eat your heart out Grace. What's a Fu?

Fewclewz- House pride doesn't come before a booty call.

Beast- Classic! I'm going to have to buy a dish washer.

Awaiting- I've forgotten more than I know from 18 years of not dancing when I was married but I can still cut a dash.

7:37 AM  
Blogger The Mistress said...

What do you wear when you're engaged in the manly art of combustion engine repair?

7:52 AM  
Blogger Tickersoid said...

Chiffon overalls.

Just kidding, jeans and 'T' shirt just like everyone else.

8:06 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The dancing might suggest you take it up the Gary, but pulling apart your big, throbbing engine in your living space? Definitely not a very gay thing to do.

9:22 AM  
Blogger Tickersoid said...

Few- My garage in under water at the moment. Mater would have had an epi'.

Qenny- Gary Glitter = Shitter.

I'll have to write that down.
Tickers can be quite butch at times.

11:02 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

ok, so what you're trying to really say is that next week, you'll be performing in the all male revue down the street wearing naught but awaiting's underwear?

7:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

'enigmatic' one of my favourite words.

8:27 AM  
Blogger Andrea said...

You just lead this fascinating life!

8:44 AM  
Blogger Andrea said...

You just lead this fascinating life!

8:44 AM  
Blogger Tickersoid said...

Pink Drama- Don't be silly, Awa isn't going to be sending me underwear for that purpouse.......is she?

Fewclewz- If I built a garage further up the cliff I wouldn't be able to drive up to it.

Piggy & Tazzy- Anyway, I'm too thick and tired, buy the time I visit your blog of a night, to figure out how to make a comment.

Lippy- Condense a whole weekend down to a few lines and I rock.

10:18 AM  

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