I looked for two hours for my power jig saw, or my hand saw would have done.
It's so frustrating. I have a hot date coming up soon and I can't find any of my saws.
Without the saws I can't do my laundry.
Fast running out of clean clothes.
I've resorted to using the slightly out of shape 'T' shirts with the hole or stains, that were once loved and so cannot be discarded.
As a last resort I try looking in the spare bedside cabinet. The cabinet isn't there. I look around the room, not there either.
Now I know I can be a bit of a scatter brain but loosing a bedside cabinet!
something's going on. The mastic gun seems to have done a runner as well.
Perhaps the kids are selling stuff to fund their hard drug habit.
No, I don't think so.
I draw the curtains and find the cabinet on the window ledge.
Surfer Dude calls round.
"Have you borrowed my jig saw?" I ask him in desperation.
"No but I've got one if you want to borrow it."
"I can't do my laundry because I haven't got my jig saw."
"You can't do your laundry because you haven't got a jig saw?" His eyebrows furrow.
"That's right, it's so frustrating." I pretend not to notice he said it as a question, because I'm a twat.
"I think I left them over my sisters." I'm starting to feel better now.
"Why do you need a jig saw to do your laundry?"
"I can't put any thing in the machine because the machine needs emptying.
I can't empty the machine because the washing line is full.
I can't empty the washing line because the airing cupboard was dismantled when the new boiler was installed.
I've got the wood and nails to re-slat the airing cupboard but need a saw to cut them to length."
Yay! I'm first!
ReplyDeleteI just want to hear details of this hot date!
ReplyDeleteHAHAH! I need a jigsaw to do my laundry.
ReplyDeleteTime and Attendance...OR tits and ass.
Muchas loveas!
Ooooo... it looks like ~d is flashing you! You're making up the bit about the hot date, right?
ReplyDeleteOne doesn't generally christen a hot date with electric saws, so I was about to worry for you(and your date.) Here's hoping you get that sorted. Man, I HATE when I've run through the whole clean laundry thing and have to go buy new stuff... Laundry is so tedious. I PAID for that stuff, why should _I_ have to take care of it, I reason?
ReplyDeleteHa ha! Perhaps you could borrow one from Little Shippy...seems he may be distracted as of late, he might never know it was missing!
ReplyDeleteAh. That explains it. I thought you'd gone more bonkers than usual.
ReplyDeleteBorn in '65 and I LOVED Burl Ives. I especially loved the song about the ravenous whale. (she ate pork chops by the pail, by the pillbox, by the suitcase, by the bathtub, by the schooner)
ReplyDeleteMJ-Ha1 ~d isn't flasing me it's a reference. Details of hot date must for the moment remain veiled.
ReplyDeleteAwaiting- I refer you to the answer above.
Phlegmfatal- Disposeable clothes, that's what we need. I seem to recall there was a spate of that in the 1960's but it never caught on.
Qchique- Good idea, and I could borrow his porn at the same time.
IDV- Blooming cheek!
Fewclewz- Good grief that takes me back to a time of bakalite and expanded mesh radio. Jungle juice mid morning. Making the coal fire. You showing me how to destroy our toys by blowing them up with gun powder.
Phlegm- I don't rememeber the whale song, just the Little old lady.
Go here and listen to track #8
ReplyDeletehttp://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00000253F/sr=8-1/qid=1153206563/ref=pd_bbs_1/102-9560778-3453701?ie=UTF8
You'll hear things too fierce to mention.
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteOh, and when I worked at the post office, once I pulled a prank and made little flyers looking for male models to audition for a tearaway safety clothing demonstration.
ReplyDeleteTickers with logic like that are you sure your not a girl ????
ReplyDeleteI was all busy thinking of a way you could juryrig a washer to rotate with a jigsaw. Had no idea it was a "swallowed a fly" moment. Excellent!
ReplyDeleteIt all makes perfect sense to me
ReplyDeletePhlegmfatal- I didn't know you could listen to a sample on Amazon. I do now.
ReplyDeletePhlegmfatal- Very creative, our postmen just dump the letters and take the rest of the day off.
Beast- I'm having a genital audit near the end of the week, I'll make a point of checking.
Shandi- I've rigged a turbo onto the machine drum that works off my car exhaust gasses.
Frobie- When my blog starts making sense, it's time to worry.
Why is this 'hot date' so secretive. Who is this mysterious person, is it male or female? lol
ReplyDeleteForgot to ask, 'what is your dog doing?' Looks like it's going to the toilet
ReplyDeleteI'm not so good with jigsaws. I lose pieces and then it makes it really hard to complete the puzzle, so frustrating.
ReplyDeleteahahahahaha - love the logic pattern. Personally I would just have dragged my stuff to the laundromat in the interim. Line up all the loads of clothes and it can all be done in an hour.
ReplyDeleteJust turn your undies inside out and get an extra day's wear out of them.
ReplyDeleteThat's fantastic. It reminds me of that:
ReplyDeleteFor the want of the nail the shoe was lost, for the want of a shoe, the horse was lost, for the want of the horse the battle was lost, for the want of the battle the kingdom was lost...
yeah. That saying. Anyhoo, hope your hot date went well.
If you ever happen to find yourself caught short like this again, let me enlighten you that there are wonderful places in this world called Laundrettes. Some of them are beautiful, and some of them have Nick Camen getting down to his underwear, but any of them would have helped in this time of crisis.
ReplyDelete100darkangels- No one knows who you are. It could be you.
ReplyDeleteThe poodle probably is.
Egan- No one with unruley poodles ever completes a jig saw puzzle.
Snooze & Quenny- Washing wasn't the problem, it's what to do with it once it's clean. I wonder if I could find the Nick Camen advert to post?
MJ- I've turned them four times already. One more time and I'll have to remove them with a chizel.
Miss Haversham- I've seen a steel plant go 'on stop' for 20 mins at $800 per min' because management consistently failed to issue pens. The operator dropped his own pen into the cellar and insisted on finding it before continuing.
Hot date is not until the end of the week.
Just go out and buy some new clothes - much easier than washing.
ReplyDeleteRunemeister- I was missing someone who appreciated my Hunkyness. I know. I may have to resort to buying new clothes after all.
ReplyDeleteMushroom- I'm comming around to your way of thinking.
Hiya Tickers. You are crazy and so adorable :-)
ReplyDeleteNice to hear about excitement in your love life.
Take flowers....women love flowers.
ReplyDeleteThat or a big jug of whiskey.
Gets us drunk off our asses!
Kyahgirl- I'm so excited. BTW, the scruffy, fluffy thing on the floor in the photo is supposed to be Evil Chicken. Not a bizzare pair of underpants.
ReplyDeleteAwaiting- I'll use charm, money, crack cocain, flowers and if all else fails, there's rum and rohypnol.
You could just wear lots and lots and lots of deodrent, or maybe borrow that warm looking fur from your poodle
ReplyDeleteAha, i got him too. and now i he is spiced hamming me.
ReplyDeleteI'm differently not your hot date, & i'm NOT the poodle you cheeky git
ReplyDeleteI think the poodle has some self-denial problems!
ReplyDeleteFor a moment I was starting to get a little concerned.
ReplyDeleteGod luck on your hot date ;)
Ickle_bro- Poodles make poor atire.
ReplyDeleteWhoami123-zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Fewclewz- That's a little harsh isn't it.
Mushroom- I mean whassit all about?
100darkangles- I didn't say you were a poodle, I said the poodle is probably doing a piss.
Ickle_bro- Funny? Yes. True? No.
Turboslut- Glad your back. Good lord, the jig saw wasn't for the date. For her I used the scalple and pliers.
Tickersoid it looks as if "Evil Chicken" had just been tossed around in the washer there. For your date I think you will find a little chloroform never fails to bring them around, ha!
ReplyDeleteGolly, that must have been an awesome date. Or maybe you're still tied up in her cellar?
ReplyDeleteI agree with phlegmfatale....tick, where you at?
ReplyDeleteQchique- Evil Chicken will be tossed around in the machine if I catch her pissing on the laundry basket again.
ReplyDeleteActually I use chloroform to put them out and a cattle prod to bring them around.
Phlegmfatal- It was awsome and a dungeon was involved.
Awaiting- Sorry I haven't been around, life is very hectic at the moment.
I say briefly: Best! Useful information. Good job guys.
ReplyDelete»
Greets to the webmaster of this wonderful site. Keep working. Thank you.
ReplyDelete»
best regards, nice info » » »
ReplyDeleteExcellent, love it! » » »
ReplyDelete